How Much I Feel - Marie Force Page 0,80

I think it’s amazing that you’re continuing to volunteer at the clinic when you got what you needed from us on the first day.”

“I genuinely enjoy it.”

“I know you do, and that makes you truly awesome.” To Carmen, she adds, “He’s a keeper, prima.”

Carmen curls her hands around my arm. “I agree.”

A powerful feeling of yearning comes over me, to be kept by her, to attend brunch at Giordino’s every Sunday, to be part of this amazing, loud, boisterous family. I can picture myself with Carmen years from now, still going strong with a couple of adorable, rambunctious curly-haired kids who look like their mother along for the ride as we join her family for Sunday brunch. Seven days after meeting her, I can see all that and so much more.

However, I need to figure out my own life before I can think about disrupting hers any more than I already have. So I tamp back the yearning and focus on today and the coming week, during which much will be decided.

I try not to think about that as I enjoy the Cuban-themed feast, featuring many of the dishes I had the first time I was here and a few new things. Carmen explains everything to me, and I try it all. I’ve yet to have anything here that isn’t delicious. We’re seated at a big horseshoe-shaped table next to Carmen’s parents and Nona. Abuela clearly relishes her role as the hostess.

Between courses, Carmen reaches for my hand under the table. The sense of connection I feel with her is powerful, so powerful in fact that only a few weeks after another woman upended my life in the worst possible way, I’m fully prepared to allow that to happen again.

Carmen is more than welcome to upend my life in any way she sees fit.

Everything would be different this time. I know that with a certainty I’ve never felt with anyone else.

“Are you okay?” Carmen asks.

“I’m great. You?”

“It’s nice to have you here.”

“Thanks for inviting me.”

“I know we can be a lot . . .”

“I was thinking how lucky you are to have such a great family. They must’ve been an enormous comfort to you.” I don’t have to say when. She knows what I mean.

“They were. They surrounded me and held me up in every possible way. Mami slept in bed with me for the first month. Maria took the second month. My cousin Delores, who we call Dee, took the third month. She’s one of the cousins that lives in New York now. I was never alone, unless I wanted to be. I’ve always been thankful for them, but never more so than I was then.”

“I can’t imagine what it would be like to have people like that, who swoop in and try to make it all better.”

“You didn’t have that in New York?”

I shake my head. “I have friends, most of them colleagues who think I’ve gotten a raw deal, but no one who swooped in the way your family would have.”

“You haven’t seen true support until you’ve seen it from this clan.”

“I’m sure it’s formidable.”

“They saved my life. Without them around to remind me of my many blessings, I’m not sure I would’ve survived losing Tony.”

“I’m very glad your life was saved so I would get to meet you and spend this time with you.”

“Me too.” She smiles, but it’s tinged with wariness that I wish I could do something about. However, until I know where I’m going to end up and whether we’re going to be able to make something of this, she’ll remain wary and guarded, and I can’t blame her for that.

After brunch, we go grocery shopping. As I watch her carefully choose produce, I discover yet another layer to this woman who has me completely fascinated.

“Why’re you staring at me?”

“I’m not staring so much as ogling you as you ogle the avocados.”

“Choosing avocados is very serious business.”

“So I’m learning.”

“They can’t be too firm, and you don’t want them too soft. There’s a sweet spot right in the middle.” She hands one to me. “Feel that? It’s perfect.”

While trying not to let my mind wander in lascivious directions, I take it from her and give it a gentle squeeze. “I’ll never look at avocados the same way again.”

“Have you ever actually bought one before?”

“I can’t say that I have.”

“Savage.”

I crack up laughing. “What are you going to make with those avocados anyway?”

“I put them on salads mostly. Avocado is an excellent source of good