. . .” He sounds agonized, and I can’t imagine why. “I like you so much. You have to know that.”
“Why do I hear a ‘but’ coming?”
“No buts. I like you. I like you so fucking much it’s not even funny. I like everything about you.”
“That’s a lot of like.” He’s adorable and sweet and sexy as all hell. “I like you, too.”
“It’s just . . . My life is such a ridiculous mess right now, and you . . . You haven’t been with anyone since Tony died, and . . .”
“What’s wrong, Jason? Just say it.”
“I don’t want to hurt you.”
I lick my lips and note the way his gaze homes in on the movement of my tongue. He doesn’t try to hide the fact that he wants me fiercely, and knowing that empowers me. “I’m a big girl. I can take care of myself.”
“I know that. You’re the strongest, most courageous person I’ve met in a long time. The last thing in the world I want to do is come sweeping through your life like a brush fire and leave ashes in my wake. I have no idea where I’m going to be two weeks or a month from now. It would kill me if, you know . . .”
My tremendous affection for him grows and multiplies as he shows his concern for me. That puts him light-years ahead of the other men I’ve dated since I lost my husband. “I have every reason in the world to stay far away from you. I worked my ass off to land this job, and I’m determined to have this career for as long as I can before I’ll have to take over the restaurant.”
“I don’t want to do anything to fuck that up for you, sweetheart.”
“I appreciate that you care. That matters to me. But if I’ve learned anything from what I’ve been through, it’s that life is short and right now is all we’re promised. I like you. I like how I feel when I’m with you—and even when I’m not. For the first time since I lost Tony, I want to know where it might go from here. If you end up somewhere else, I’ll deal with that when it happens.”
“And your job?”
“I’m not going to tell anyone that this has become something more than a job. Are you?”
“Hell no.”
“Then it ought to be fine.”
“‘Ought to be’ doesn’t always go the way it ought to.”
“Trust me, I know.” I try to organize my thoughts into some semblance of sense. “You said today was a great day for you.”
“It was the best day. Maybe the best day I’ve ever had.”
“It was the best day I’ve had in five years, Jason. I’m well aware of all the reasons why I need to be careful, but I’m so tired of being careful, of sticking to the sidelines while life goes on without me. I want to live again, not just exist.”
“Honey, you’re killing me. I want to be there with you so badly it’s taking everything I’ve got to stay put.”
“I wish you were here, too, but I think we should both take a pause, think about all of this and make a logical decision about where we go from here.”
“I already know where I want to go from here.”
I lose my composure and giggle again. I love that he makes me laugh the way I used to, before life backhanded me across the face. “I’m serious, Jason.”
“So am I. I’m as serious about this as I’ve been about anything.”
“You’re just coming off a major disappointment—”
“I’ve left her so far behind it’s like she never happened. Finding out she set me up the way she did ruined any feelings I had for her. I swear to God this isn’t a rebound, Carmen. Not even kinda.”
“My head is spinning a little.”
“Mine is, too, but it’s the best feeling. Isn’t it?”
“Yeah.”
“Get some sleep. Tomorrow is another day. We’ll figure this out.”
“I’m looking forward to seeing you in doctor mode at the clinic.”
“I’m looking forward to it, too. See you in the morning?”
“Yes, you will. Go to sleep.”
“You too.”
“Don’t want to let you go.”
I turn off the light and settle in under the covers, the glow from my phone bright in the darkness of my bedroom.
He does the same on his end, plunging us both into darkness. “I wish I was in bed with you, holding you and kissing you and other stuff.”