How Much I Feel - Marie Force Page 0,53
to work out. Even if I can’t practice at Miami-Dade, I’m still a well-qualified physician. It’s not like I’m going to suddenly be unable to make a living anywhere.”
“I’m glad you’re feeling more positive about it.”
“I’m trying. You’ve been a huge help to me, Carmen. Seriously.”
“It’s been fun. My first week on the new job has been far more interesting than expected.”
“Especially the time in jail.”
“The beach was pretty nice, too.”
“Way better than jail.”
“Stop talking about jail!”
“Never,” he says, laughing.
I’m tired, but I don’t want this conversation to end. I could talk to him all night and never get enough of the sound of his voice or the amusing things he says.
“Hey, Carmen?”
“Yes?”
“I want to take you on a real date. Can we do that soon?”
I ought to say no. I ought to try harder to keep the boundaries in place between personal and professional, but in light of what’s already happened between us, it’s too late for such concerns. “Sure, that’d be fun.”
“You had to think about it for a long moment there.”
“It’s not because I don’t want to go out with you. I’m just concerned about the personal versus professional thing.”
“I get that. I should be far more concerned about it after Ginger, but this is nothing like that was even before it went bad.”
“How is it different?”
“Because you’re you, and that makes everything about this special and unique.”
“You know how to make a girl all fluttery inside.”
“Yeah?”
“Mm-hmm.”
“Are you tired?” he asks.
“A little. You?”
“I could sleep, but talking to you is more fun.”
My phone chimes with a new text from Abuela that I quickly read. Loved meeting your friend Jason today. He seems like a special young man. You don’t like when I interfere, so I’ll only say that you light up around him. Sweet dreams, mi amor. Xoxo
“What’re you smiling about?”
“A text from Abuela. She liked meeting you.”
“I liked meeting her and the others. You have a great family.”
“Wait until you meet the rest of them. You may not think so.”
“I’m sure I will.”
“Do you come from a big family?”
“I have a few cousins, but they’re mostly older than me. I don’t know them very well. It’s pretty much been me, my brother and my mom since my dad left.”
“You don’t see him at all?”
“Maybe once or twice a year when he gets to New York. I’d prefer not to see him, but my mom encourages me to do it. She doesn’t want me to have regrets.”
“She sounds like an amazing person if she can think that way after he was unfaithful to her.”
“She’s all about forgiveness, even if we don’t necessarily forget. But it took her a long time to get there after everything happened.”
“I understand that. I decided to forgive the man who killed Tony because it hurt me more to hate him than it did to forgive him. I won’t forget what he did, but I forgive him.”
“That’s really admirable. I’m not sure I could do that. I’ve barely been able to consider forgiving my father for what he did.”
“I found out the man’s family was evicted from their apartment. He was robbing the store because they were out of formula for his infant daughter, and he was desperate. He’d had issues with police in the past. When he saw Tony in uniform, he panicked. I honestly don’t believe he intended to shoot or kill him.”
“Wow.”
“Two lives were ruined in the span of a second. When I heard the whole story, I asked the prosecutor to request life in prison for the shooter rather than the death penalty. I didn’t think Tony would approve of me seeking a life for a life in this case.”
“I give you so much credit for being able to think that clearly, at twenty-four, after losing your husband and best friend so senselessly.”
“It helped to focus on the details of the case rather than wallowing in grief, not that I didn’t do plenty of that, too.”
“I’m so, so sorry you went through that.”
His kind words leave a lump in my throat. “Thank you. I miss him, but I accepted a long time ago that I’ll always miss him and love him. That’ll never change.”
“Of course it won’t. Can I ask you . . .”
“What?”
“It’s none of my business.”
“It’s okay. You can ask. Aren’t we past the point where my business isn’t your business and vice versa?”
His low chuckle makes me feel warm all over, my skin prickling with nearly painful awareness of how much I want this man.
“Carmen, sweetheart