his mouth so sexy and familiar on mine, that tangy flavor of man and Jason, while I’d kissed him back with my heart in my throat. Then he’d softly said goodnight and gone home.
I’d relived that kiss for days.
It had been like a chaste first date. With a guy I’d already had sex with more times than his last girlfriend. I thought the frustration would drive me insane.
This, I realized, was usually how guys felt.
“I don’t know if it would work,” I admitted to Holly, searching for the words to explain. “I don’t know if we like each other the same way.”
“What happened?” Holly asked quietly.
“Um.” I tried to come up with an explanation that didn’t talk about the sex. “Things got intense, and I freaked out. So he backed off. That’s the short version.”
“And you regret it?”
I nearly laughed. “Have you met Jason?” I said. “I think I might be the world’s biggest idiot, yes.”
“You’re not an idiot,” she said, pulling up her own chair and picking up her glass of wine. We were done with photography for now. “You just have a lot going on.”
I shrugged. I’d told Holly about the genetic tests. I didn’t have the results yet. The idea still hung over me, the blankness of my future, but for some reason it didn’t inspire the same terror it had before. Whatever it was, it was my future, after all. It was reality. I would just have to deal with it. Whatever happened, I would handle.
“Can I make an honest suggestion?” Holly asked.
“Sure.”
“If you like him, you need to snap him up before someone else does.”
“What?” I nearly choked. “What are you talking about? Has he said something?”
“Of course not. I told you, he likes you. But Jason is…” She waved her hand, and I supplied the words in my mind. Gorgeous. Sexy. Funny. Beautiful when he’s naked. “Eligible,” she said.
Eligible. I stared down at my drink, blinking away the stab of possessive rage that made me see red. No way was some other woman getting her hands on him. No way was some other woman going to see him naked. No way.
I didn’t want some other woman doing with him the things I’d done. I couldn’t stand that. Not ever.
Damn it. I was going to have to do something.
“What if he rejects me?” I said. “I was pretty clear, and…” I forced the words out. “He was mad. And hurt. We had a fight. We’re past it, but maybe he doesn’t think of me seriously like that, you know? I don’t think I could take it.” I was too nice, he’d said. It’ll never happen again.
I turned to see Holly staring at me. “Megan, he drove to Cape Cod for you.”
“He was apologizing.” I’d told her about that, too—about the party, while leaving out the nudity details.
“Apologizing?” Holly looked like I was nuts. “If he wanted to apologize, he could have bought you flowers or sent a sincerely worded email. Instead he dropped his life and drove you across three states for five days.”
Technically it was four and a half, because he’d driven through the night to get me home while I slept in the passenger seat. Which only proved her point. “I guilted him into it,” I said. “He felt sorry for me.”
“He took you all the way to that wedding,” Holly said. “He worked extra shifts to help you pay for it. He had to hang out with your ex. He got you out of there when he saw you weren’t having a good time. Are you crazy?” She shook her head. “I know my brother. He’s nice, but he’s not that nice. I’ve never seen him do all of that for anyone before.”
And I’d pushed him away.
Maybe she was right. My fear kept me from believing it completely. But suddenly, I realized it didn’t matter. What mattered was that for the first time there was a man I really wanted—really wanted—and he was single and beautiful, and we were friends, and I had his fucking phone number, and I was sitting around moping, not doing anything about it.
Life was short. I was supposed to live in the moment.
It wasn’t always easy. It was hardly ever easy. But I was starting to learn that it was worth it.
Jason Carsleigh left me no choice.
I’d have to do something about him. For good.
Twenty-Nine
Jason
I had fallen asleep studying when my phone rang. I rolled over and picked it up, staring at it in disbelief. Megan was