How to Claim a Governess’s Heart - Bridget Barton Page 0,36
a single candle. She had never considered her consistent journal-writing to be of historical interest, or even of a personal therapeutic nature. It was merely a habit.
Journal-writing had been required in her school days. Unlike her present journal that was now private, it was used as yet another tool to gauge the pupil’s work. Reprimand would ensue for poor penmanship or lack of value in the composition. It had taken some time after Bridget left to feel safe in writing her real thoughts and emotions down on paper.
As she put pen to paper tonight, she found a flood of emotions and thoughts that couldn’t seem to spill out of her fast enough. She didn’t know if this action would help at all to unravel the spool of yarn that circled her brain, but she hoped it would.
Dear Diary,
Tonight was one of the greatest memories of my life. As I stated in a previous entry, Lord John organised a ball and invited me to attend. Until tonight, I assumed my place would have been off to the side of the festivities as purely an observer. I can assure you I would have been most grateful for just this.
Much to my surprise, Lord John announced that I was to be the guest of honour. I have to admit I did find myself embarrassed from time to time throughout the night for the amount of attention that befell me. I don’t know that I have ever been noticed so much in my life, and to be honest, I can’t say that I thoroughly enjoyed it.
I suppose such lavished attention is something that a person gets used to over time. Having rarely been considered let alone made the centre of attention was rather like being thrown into a deep pool with only minimal knowledge of keeping afloat.
Lord John invited several exceptional families to the ball. In their company was Mr. Higgins, whom I have mentioned before. He is a very kind man, and I must admit that I enjoy his company immensely. On our first meeting, I had assumed his attentiveness in including me in conversation was only out of respect for his friend. Tonight, however, I believe there were different motives in mind.
On two occasions, Mr. Higgins, once while dancing and another between dance partners, asked my opinion on the acceptability of governesses leaving their duties to take on a household of their own. The first mention of the subject, I insured the gentleman that I had no intention of abandoning my charge. On the second, he asked in general if I thought such an idea was appropriate, provided that the employer was equally agreeable to the releasing of charge.
Though he spoke in general, the subject's pressing a second time made me realise that this was something he had been pondering for some time. I understand that Mr. Higgins is a respectable gentleman with a well-placed position as rector of a rather large parish. I suppose it would only make sense that he would now require a companion to help as he furthers God’s work on earth.
His conversation gave me pause to consider that he was suggesting I might be a candidate for such a situation. Honestly, I never thought marriage was a prospect for me. I have been lucky enough to secure a skill that will keep me fed and warm for most of my life. I am sure that is more than many others can say, and I am most grateful for that.
I have never once had a desire to raise my position above the blessings I have already received. I suppose to leave one’s employment for a betrothal is a widespread aspiration for one such as I. Still, I must say, I was indeed taken aback at the thought that someone as good a gentleman as Mr. Higgins would consider a person of my lower standing.
To his credit, this makes him a better man than many others in his position. It has given me a sense of profound admiration for him and his friendship. I, however, could never reconcile myself to attach myself to a churchly life.
It is an overly complicated matter, and I fear I don’t know how to explain it adequately, but I will endeavour to do so. Perhaps if I write it here, it will better equip me to explain it verbally should the need arise.
Though I attend church every Sunday as Betsy’s companion, I have never truly felt comfortable in religious situations.