to get into a verbal smack-down with his baby mama and her blame me for the stress.
I kiss Claire on the cheek and whisper I’ll call her later then head to for the stairs.
Her words ring in my ears, but I stay strong until I get into my car. Then I scream every nasty thing I want to say to her until I’m hoarse. It feels good to let it out, but I wish I could yell these things to her face.
The whole drive to the marina, the same thought keeps replaying in my mind.
What has happened to me? How did my life get this out of control?
Chapter 24
Shaw
Bizzy- First session went amazing! Everyone was nice, and when it was over, I got so many compliments. This is a top rate crew! A few of us are going out for a drink. Love you, talk to you soon.
I read the text twice, smiling at her excitement. I’m not surprised; I knew she’d nail it. She’s perfect for this. Two weeks of preparation, hours of phone calls going over her presentation, and one last minute freak out, but she’s done it. Undoubtedly winning over the admiration and trust of everyone on the floor.
My computer alerts me that I need to be at the doctor’s office in an hour. I sigh and pick up a contract for a new athletic brand that wants four of my clients to advertise. It’s a huge deal, and I can demand more money in negotiations than ever before. But I can’t find the thrill.
I want her here.
In the two weeks since Bizzy left, I’ve gone back to my workaholic ways and am only sleeping at home for a few hours at night. The condo is too empty without her. Gail is about to crawl out of her skin in irritation. I’ve been a cranky bastard.
Our weekend alone on the boat seems like months ago, not weeks. I needed more time. More time to show her how much she means to me. Once she told me about her run-in with Sasha, I couldn’t hold her close enough. I watched her attentively for any signs of regret or uncertainty, but there were none. She was more relaxed and at ease than in the last several months. Playful, loving, kind, gentle, her entire attitude was back to the old Bizzy. The one I knew before I fucked up our lives.
My chest aches as I eye the bottle of scotch and wish I could drink the entire thing. I’ll need it to deal with Sasha, but it’s not my style to show up to a business engagement drunk.
That’s what this has become in my mind, a business engagement. It sounds cold, heartless, and bastardly, but it is what it is. The only consolation is the baby.
I pick up the baby book Bizzy bought and make a few notes with questions for the doctor. This is my attempt at having civilized conversations with Sasha to learn exactly what’s happening with both of them.
Today, we may actually get to find out the sex… which scares me to death. I think back to Bizzy’s question and remember the conversation on the boat.
“Shaw, have you really thought about if you want a boy or a girl?” She nuzzles close, her arms lying on my chest.
“Yes, I’ve thought about it a lot. I want a boy.”
She stills and tension fills her body.
“It’s not about ego or namesake. It’s because I can handle a boy, I can guide him, educate him, and teach him right from wrong. I’ll be gentle, but he’ll be raised the way I was. That’s all I know to do.”
“What if it’s a girl?”
“I’m scared shitless. I know nothing about girls, and her mother will fill her mind with superficial and meaningless things. Not to mention, how she will teach her to be toward other girls. From her past discretions, I’m scared Sasha will be a terrible influence on a daughter.”
“It’s so sad.”
“Bizzy, hear me when I say this. I mean it to the bottom of my soul. If this was us we were talking about, I’d pray for a little girl, because you will be the best influence I could ever ask for in my daughter. I’d want her to be exactly like you. When you and I start our family, we won’t stop having kids until I have that little girl.”
“Shaw—”
“No,” I stop her. “It’s going to happen. Have faith.”
She snuggles into me and kisses my chest. “Okay, Shaw, I’ll