Logic and reason always come easily to me, but this time, I lost my way. Tell me I didn’t fuck this up beyond repair. I can live with a lot of things in this life, Bizzy, but losing you isn’t one of them.”
“You aren’t losing me, but it doesn’t mean I’m not mad as hell.” She doesn’t skip a beat and arches her mouth to mine. “A part of me wants to kick you out and send you back to Miami, but the other part of me wants to forgive and forget this last month.” She kisses me lazily.
“I deserve to be kicked out, but I’m not going back to Miami without you. There is no forgetting this last month of hell. I know that. I’m going to try my damnedest to make it up to you,” I mumble against her lips then let go of her wrists and skim my hands lightly down her sides until I reach her waist and roll us to the side. She tangles her legs with mine, pressing close. We continue to kiss, neither of us willing to break the connection, until she finally tears away and lays her head on my shoulder.
“I can’t believe you’re really here.”
“It feels like a lifetime without you.”
“Are you really staying?”
“As long as nothing happens with the baby, I’ll be here through the end of your assignment.”
“Is that even possible?”
“I’ll work from here. As for Sasha, we aren’t slated to meet again until after the New Year for our next class, but I know her and how her mind works. It’s one of the many unfortunate things that I’ve been exposed to lately. So, I handled it, along with some help from my mom. Hopefully, she won’t bother me.”
“What is she going to do?”
“She’s going to keep Sasha busy… pick out paint colors, endure endless shopping trips, whatever Sasha suggests.”
“Oh my God, poor Maria.”
“It was her idea. She called me in the car on my way to the airport with her elaborate plan of running into Sasha tomorrow at the game and explaining I left town early on business, which isn’t entirely a lie. I already had a ticket to surprise you tomorrow. I was unsure of what I was going to say. When Claire showed up and told me about your job offer, I couldn’t wait. There was no way I was letting you go one more day without explaining myself.”
“You were coming anyway?”
“Yes.” I trace the worry lines around her eyes and realize for the first time how tired she looks. “When’s the last time you slept?”
“The last time I slept well was about thirty-one nights ago.”
“Let’s get you to bed.” I curl up, trying to bring her with me, but she presses harder, not moving.
“I want to stay like this for a while.”
“Whatever you want.”
“Do you mean that?”
“Absolutely.”
“Tell me why you did it, besides the guilt and confusion. Why’d you shut me out completely?”
I take a deep breath and focus on the tree behind her. “I did what you asked. I pretended it was you having my baby. That’s why I was so amenable to her, because your words rang through my head and it helped me focus. My headspace was fucked up, so incredibly fucked up. How could I ask you to love this baby?”
She lets out a little gasp then grips my chin, forcing me to look at her. “You can ask me to love him because you do. That’s how this works. But I can’t go through this again. I won’t. You once told me you love me enough for the both of us. That’s how I’ve felt, too, until you closed me out. I was prepared to walk away, not knowing if I could handle this from you.”
There’s so much concern and honesty in her eyes, I finally break. Yanking her tight against me, I breathe her in and push down the emotions threatening to erupt. There’s isn’t a day she doesn’t amaze me, and I finally understand how close I came to losing her.
“I wouldn’t have let you go. If I had to spend every day on this earth proving to you how much I love you, I’d gladly do it.”
“I want to know everything. Start with the sonogram and tell me what you’ve been holding inside.”
“Baby, we’ve got time. Tonight is about us, reuniting, and me convincing you to forgive me.”
“I know, Shaw, but I’m still hurt. I think hearing your feelings will help me purge. Part of me