a wheelchair.
‘Think about it, Lana, just for a moment. Here, as my wife, you have security. You have protection, money, support.’ He drew out his ace. ‘I know you didn’t have the best start in life. It doesn’t have to be that way for this child. This child will have everything he or she could possibly want. The best education money can buy. The best opportunities. This child will never be out in the cold, or hungry, or’–his voice shook–’taken advantage of. If you don’t want to stay married to me for your own sake, consider your child.’
Lana was shocked. ‘Your generosity is more than I deserve.’ She meant it. ‘But I can’t stay, Cole. I’m not happy … This marriage is a fake. I want my child to know the difference: to have a real life, as close to an ordinary life as I can give.’
‘This is real life!’ objected Cole. ‘We’re rich, OK, and people know who we are, but it doesn’t change things that much.’
‘What we have isn’t normal.’
‘What’s normal?’
She grappled for the words. ‘Love, honesty, truth …’
He groaned. ‘Wake up, Lana; it’s a fantasy–a white-picket-fence fantasy. Don’t you see? Our marriage is like countless others, all over the world. Everywhere you look, people like us, in marriages like ours, and I’ll tell you why. We barely see each other, we barely talk, we keep secrets, we make out like we’re happy when we’re not.’ He waited. ‘Has it ever occurred to you that I’m unhappy?’ He held his arms out. ‘Has it? You forget I have feelings, too, Lana.’
She opened her mouth to speak.
‘You forget because we’re estranged, just like the rest of them. But at least we acknowledge it. We’ve built a structure that enables us to operate in set parameters. That’s “normal". Not your fantasy love story.’
‘"Operate in set parameters"? Cole, don’t you want more? Don’t you want passion?’
He laughed grimly. ‘Passion is nothing but weakness. Sordid weakness. You just have to step outside to see how it’s torn this town apart. Passion destroys.’
Lana shook her head. ‘I know that kind of happiness exists. You can’t tell me different.’
‘Only in the movies, Lana. We do a good job of convincing them, don’t we?’ He poured himself a Scotch and threw it back in one. ‘You want reality? Take a look around. This is it.’
‘I don’t believe that.’
A flash of the Cole she knew better. ‘I knew this would be the problem in taking a younger wife. All the damn naivety.’
‘I’m not naive,’ she countered. ‘I’m hopeful. There’s a difference, and there’s our difference. You’ve given up–I haven’t. That’s why we can never work, no matter what parameters you set.’
Cole’s expression closed, sudden and final as a light being switched off.
‘I am so sorry for what I’ve put you through,’ she went on. ‘You needn’t be so good as to offer me this and I’m aware of that. But it doesn’t change anything. After Vegas I want out.’ She touched her stomach. ‘This has changed me, Cole. When I first came to Hollywood I was set on this life–I wanted it. I wanted to be your wife. I wanted to get as far away from the place I’d come as I could. God. This marriage was all about the next role. The next role was all about Eastern
Sky. Eastern Sky was all about the Award nomination. The nomination was all about …’
She shrugged. ‘Isn’t it funny–I don’t even know any more. It’s heartless. It doesn’t have a soul. And if you want to take me down, go right ahead. I probably deserve it. The thing is, I no longer care. It’s not what’s important, none of it.’
Cole regarded her sadly. ‘You’re living on another planet, Lana. This one thrives on business. Not your love-struck idle philosophies.’
Lana let his words settle but she could not adopt them as her own. With Cole she was forever arguing that black was white–they belonged to different worlds.
He came to sit next to her, defeated.
‘I promise to keep my word,’ she told him gently. ‘I’ll take the force of this, not you.’
He dropped his face in his hands and shook his head.
‘I’ll never reveal us,’ she went on. ‘Cole, I know this is desperate for you. I know the circumstances are impossible. I know it’s the hardest thing …’
‘You don’t know how I got here.’
‘You don’t know how I did.’
He laughed emptily. ‘Believe it or not, Lana, I am not a cruel man.’ He stared ahead, his expression unreadable.
She took