count on it. My job won’t leave me for another woman. My job won’t hurt my feelings. My job gives me something to focus on.
However, I am beginning to hate that job.
But what will I have left?
Mercifully, Aurora hasn’t called in a couple of days. Maybe she’s already fired me. I’ll show up at the office and my desk will be cleared . . . or already occupied by someone else.
At one time, that thought would’ve angered me. I’ve fought, scratched, and kicked to get where I am. For what?
Am I even happy?
I had a stronger emotional tie to my work than I had to Stan. Now that I have some distance from our split, I realize I wasn’t upset he left me. It’s what he represented that is gone. And the feeling of not being good enough—worthy—of someone’s love.
I’ve only spent a fraction of that time with Colin, but I know when it’s time to leave, it’s going to hurt. A lot. I can’t just forget about the Bradfords and Winter Valley. Not like I would have Stan if my mother hadn’t constantly reminded me of him.
“Sweetheart, one day you’re going to wake up and wonder where your life went. I want you to be able to say you’ve lived it to the fullest.” Mom reaches for my hand.
I wriggle mine from under the sheet and take hers. Pierre sniffles but keeps working on my mother.
“Work does fulfill me.” I shrug. “At least it used to.”
“You’re strong and independent. And I’m glad your happiness doesn’t depend on another person the way mine did on your father.” That’s the first time she’s said anything like that. It’s easy to see how hard it was on her. She tried to keep a brave face when I was young, but I can’t imagine being blindsided the way she was and having a child to raise on her own.
I never once felt like a burden, though there had to be times it was beyond tough.
And Colin is doing the same thing for Perry that Mom did for me. Maybe that’s why I connect so well with him. We understand each other even though we don’t know one another all that well.
He works hard but can let loose. I’ve had nothing but my job and my mom for so long that it’s consumed me.
“I don’t know what I want,” I admit. I’m self-sufficient, and she’s right . . . I don’t need anyone else to be happy. But until I met Colin, I didn’t realize how lonely I was.
That there’s more.
And I want more.
I want kids and close family gatherings. I want to laugh and find my way through mistakes with a partner by my side. I want nosy neighbors. And magic.
Guess I know more about what I want than I thought. But what am I willing to do to get it? Everything seems perfect in Winter Valley. Is that simply the new shine of the place?
What if it isn’t everything I think it can be?
“Yes, you do.” Mom looks at me with knowing.
“How do I know it’s the right thing?” I’m not in a position to take risks . . . especially if they don’t work out.
“We never know until we try. Sometimes the things that seem the most right in the world are totally wrong.” She speaks from experience, and I’m certain that is in reference to my father. “And sometimes what seems most wrong is exactly what we need.”
Chapter Twenty-Six
Audrey
“Daddy, we have to finish today. It’s Christmas Eve eve.”
Perry drops her spoon in the empty bowl of oatmeal and jumps up, tugging on Colin’s sleeve.
“We’ll get it done, Cupcake.” He scoops a bite of breakfast casserole in his mouth and points at his plate. “I need my strength.”
Perry seems a little dissatisfied with his answer but accepts it. “I’ll help clear the dirty dishes. But hurry up.”
It’s my turn to stare. Do all four-year-olds volunteer to do chores? I’m pretty certain I didn’t. And what did they need to finish? Last-minute gifts for the family?
Judging by the look on my mother’s face, she’s astonished too. I definitely must not have been like that. “Let me help you, sweetie,” she says when Perry totters the bowl in her small hands.
“You still haven’t finished?” Morgan asks, shoveling the remains of his breakfast in his mouth as if it might escape if he doesn’t.
“There hasn’t been a lot of free time.” Colin sets down his toast.
Perry appears at his side. “Done, Daddy?”
“I’m finished.”
I marvel