he hesitated, looking down at his hands as he spoke. “I have to go over and pick up Ryland. I put him to sleep last night which means I have to go and wake him. After that I will bring him back here and will explain things to him.” He finally brought his eyes up to meet mine. “You are welcome to be there as well if you wish.”
Well if this wasn’t the proverbial olive branch, I didn’t know what was. Normally, I would have put more thought into my reply, but as, one, I really did want to be there for Ryland’s discovery of all this, and, two, Alex was headed for the door and if I didn’t hurry I would miss him altogether, I decided to be gracious.
“I’d like that, thank you.”
“Good,” he said, with a smile that almost looked shy.
“Should I meet you here?”
“Yes,” he agreed, as we began walking toward the door, only a few paces behind Alex. “Twenty minutes should do.”
We stepped out into the hall where I saw Alex had turned down the adjacent hallway while everyone else had gone straight ahead. Jocelyn gave me one final nod before following the larger crowd up toward the front of the building, while I hurried after Alex, hugging my Sciath to my chest so I wouldn’t jingle like a Christmas elf.
“Alex?” I called when I was only a few feet away. I saw him stiffen at the sound of my voice, and it seemed to take him a second too long to turn around. “Are you all right?” I asked, finding it hard to hide the worry in my tone.
He gave me something that looked like a smile, though it didn’t make it all the way to his eyes. “Yeah, I’m OK,” he said, his voice dry and rough. “Just not feeling well, that’s all.”
“Can I do anything for you?” I asked, almost excited at the chance to help him after all he’d done for me these last few weeks.
He winced for a split second, almost as if my words hurt him – though it was probably just gratitude. “No, thank you. I’ll be all right.”
“OK,” I said, disappointed. “I’m sorry about last night,” I added after a silent moment, hoping he would remember that he’d said he wanted to talk to me and maybe suggest that we talk now. Cheap trick, I know, but I wasn’t ready to let him leave. Something was telling me that he needed me. Consoling, or comforting, or maybe just a friendly ear, I wasn’t sure, but whatever it was, I was more than willing to provide it. The one thing I was sure about, however, was that something was wrong with him – and that something was more than sickness.
“What do you mean?”
“I know you said you wanted to talk to me, and with the way things worked out, we didn’t have a chance.”
“Oh,” he said, barely breaking a whisper. “It’s fine.”
“Maybe later if you are feeling up to it we could–”
“No,” he said quickly, “it was nothing, don’t worry about it.”
“Are you sure?”
“Positive.” He paused, glancing down. “It doesn’t matter now.”
He took a deep breath and looked back up at me with what I’m sure was supposed to be a smile, but was so hopeless it looked more like he wanted to cry.
“Are you sure you’re all right?” I asked again, hoping he would decide to confide in me.
“I’ll be fine, I promise.” He took step backward. “I’m going to go lie down.”
I nodded, well aware that the direction in which he gestured did not lead to his room. “OK,” I said.
It was OK. It was damn-well fine. If he didn’t want to tell me what was bothering him, I wasn’t about to beg. And I certainly wasn’t about to let him know how much it hurt.
“Feel better,” I called after his escaping form, not even sure if he heard me.
I turned back toward Jocelyn’s office, determined that I was not going to let something as trivial as the fact that Alex didn’t trust me get me down.
19
Dejected and depressed, I returned to Jocelyn’s office where I waited for him to get back with Ryland. Once they arrived, the three of us spent over two hours in Jocelyn’s office, explaining the concept of Holders to an initially very confused, then very awestruck, Ryland. Jocelyn did the majority of the talking, while I listened and watched Ry for any signs of an informational overload-induced panic, worried we might end