realization may have seemed, it explained so much. None of the other Holders spoke fluent Gaelic besides Jocelyn, who I knew had learned as a child, but Alex did. Not only did he speak it, but his use of it always impressed me, like his flawless accent, or the way he would seamlessly slip in and out of Gaelic when describing or naming something he was particularly fond of, as he had done when introducing me to Min, calling her máthair ghlac, or surrogate mother. At the time it had seemed odd, but now I understood; it was the language of his heart.
“It’s who I am,” he finished, as though he could see the realization in my eyes.
No, I couldn’t let him think that. Much as I admired his adopting and identifying with a new life, it was his ability to do so that was truly remarkable. His strength of character and courage in the face of everything he’d gone through – that was what made him who he was.
What made him amazing.
I shook my head, still holding his eyes. “That’s part of who you are, but you are so much more than that.”
He held there, both of us still as the building itself, and, I couldn’t speak for him, but I would have been happy to stay there the rest of the night. Without willing it to, my mind went back to the night in my room when he’d come so close to kissing me. He hadn’t tried anything like that since, but that didn’t mean that I couldn’t, right? It would have been easy, all I had to do was lean forward a tiny bit. Should I? Did I really have the balls to–?
Alex took a deep breath, breaking my train of thought, and the moment itself.
Damn it! OK, no hesitating next time…
He uncrossed his legs and slid down to the porch while I worked at regaining my composure. He brushed off his pants and tossed the clump of palms he’d been fiddling with onto the rail where he’d been sitting.
“What is that?” I asked, picking up the palms, which he had twisted and tied into an intricate knot shaped sort of like an X.
“Nothing,” he said with a shrug. “It’s called a St Brigid’s Cross. Chloe showed me how to tie them. I make them all the time, just for something to do. Grass works the best.”
Obviously he thought it was no big deal, but I was impressed.
“Let me run and get my coat and we’ll go to dinner. I told Chloe she could meet us over there, I hope that’s all right.”
“Sure, that’d be great,” I said, though I would have preferred it to have been just the two of us.
“I’ll meet you up front,” he said walking off and disappearing into the building.
When I was sure he was gone I hopped down off the rail and slid the little cross into my jeans pocket, for the first time actually admitting to myself that I was seriously falling for this guy.
Falling hard.
And if I didn’t watch myself, I might not be able to get back up.
14
“You should come, Becca,” Ryland said as we approached the hallway that led down to Jocelyn’s office. “What if he asks why you didn’t come?” Alex and I were walking him to his first ever meeting with his father, and every step he took seemed just a tiny bit slower than the last.
“He’s not going to ask, Ry.”
“You don’t know that.” He began dragging the toe of his foot along the stone floor with each step.
“I’m pretty sure, buddy.”
“We’ve been here for almost two weeks, and you haven’t seen him yet, you should come. Alex, shouldn’t she come?”
He may have been right. I’d not seen hide nor hair of Jocelyn since our encounter in the hallway on my first day – which Ryland of course knew nothing about – and I wasn’t sure how to feel about that. The idea of avoiding him altogether had been fine before he’d had the gall not to recognize his own daughter and make me feel like an idiot, but now I was done with hiding and avoiding. My only goal now was to show him that I didn’t give a damn what he thought, and the only way to do that was to see him. Or at least that was what I said my plan was, though as aloof and detached as I tried to be I still wasn’t quite able to give in