his back to me, staring out the window. As the door groaned to a close behind me, he turned taking a few steps toward me, hands behind his back, no expression on his face.
With a shaky breath, I walked forward, chin up, ready to get it over with.
I braced myself as he looked at me. “How are you feeling?” he asked, throwing me off.
“Good. Much better,” I said, trying not to sound confused. I’d expected him to go right into my scolding. “Just tired,” I added, in the interest of being honest.
“I’m sure,” he said. Then, motioning me to one of the large brown armchairs, said, “Sit.”
Normally I would have said no, but the walk over here had actually worn me out, and I figured sitting less a sign of weakness than passing out on the floor. Plus, it was probably a good idea to be seated for what was coming. Though, I had to admit, he didn’t seem like a man who was about to deliver a first rate tongue-lashing. Even his suggestion to sit was just that – a suggestion. It wasn’t a command or an order, but simply an offer made out of what seemed to be concern.
I sat, trying to hide my confusion. What was this? Why didn’t he get on with it? Finally, I decided that if he wasn’t going to bring it up, then I would.
“Look, I’m sorry. I know it was stupid.” He didn’t reply, but his eyebrows pulled together in confusion. “Leaving with Taron…” I said, though it sounded more like a question. Could he really not have known what I was talking about?
Realization flashed in his eyes and he nodded. “Yes it was,” he said, “but I don’t think you need me to tell you that. You can’t be held to blame for that, in any event.”
Now it was my turn to be confused. “Wait, so… you didn’t bring me here to… you know… yell at me?”
He turned slightly away from me and looked down at the floor, his eyes closed. “No,” he said quietly, turning and walking back toward the window. “I didn’t bring you here to yell at you.” The sadness in his voice made me feel suddenly guilty. “I brought you here to apologize,” he continued without looking back at me. My eyes almost shot out of my head, but I kept my mouth shut. “I had no right to try and direct your personal relationships. The situation caught me off-guard, and I overreacted. Alex is a wonderful man, and the connection you share is exceedingly rare, if not unheard of. The two of you are very lucky.”
“Thank you,” I said after a moment. It seemed like the appropriate thing to say, but honestly I wasn’t sure. At this point I was completely shocked.
“I reacted the way I did because I was trying to protect you. I didn’t want you to have to suffer…” He trailed off, not finishing his thought, and was silent for so long that I started to think he wouldn’t continue. Just as I opened my mouth to speak, he said, “I didn’t think much about my reaction because I assumed that you would understand. You of all people have seen the damage…” Again he trailed off, and began to slowly pace back and forth behind his desk. “But I was wrong to think that. You had no reason to understand because I never gave you one, which was wrong of me.”
He looked at the ground as he spoke, wringing his hands together behind his back. I’m not sure what it was – the sudden tenseness of his shoulders, the slight furrow in his brow, the way he seemed to be struggling for words – but something began to make me feel awkward. My gut was warning me that whatever it was he was about to tell me, I didn’t want to hear. I laced my hands together in my lap and waited for him to continue, uncomfortably on edge.
“There are things I’d like to tell you about me, and my past, but I will only do so if you wish to hear them.” He looked up at me, and while I didn’t look away I didn’t quite meet his eyes. “All I ask is that you give me the next few minutes before you make a decision. There is only one thing I wish to tell you about today. After that, if you decide you would like to know more about me, I