world in blood to try to erase those images."
I didn't know what to say, but I wanted to protest. I wanted to say he was wrong, but a part of me asked, What would I do if it were Edward tortured to death and I thought it was my fault? I wouldn't kill tons of people, but anyone I thought was responsible for it - they'd be dead. I had more rules than Edward did, so if I felt that way about him, how much more would he do if it were me dead? Especially at Olaf's not-so-tender mercies? I didn't want Nicky and the boys dead, and I'd talk to Edward about that, and Bernardo. They didn't deserve that, but Olaf dead at Edward's hands, oh, hell yes. The thought that Edward would probably kill him slowly was like a warm, happy thought.
"I'll talk to him about you, all of you. I wouldn't want anyone else hurt just because I wasn't here."
"You can talk to him," Bernardo said, "but it won't help. I've known Edward for years. I've seen him do things that he wouldn't do in front of you. Trust me; I'd rather have almost anyone else after my ass."
Again, I didn't know what to say, so I just agreed. "I wouldn't want Edward gunning for me, either."
"All that, and you're going to concentrate on just that part?" Bernardo said.
I looked at him and shrugged. "What else do you want me to say?"
"God, you really are a guy, I mean you look like a girl, but that is such a guy thing. You ignore all the emotional shit and grab onto that Edward is dangerous. Shit, Anita."
"Are you always this much of a pussy?" Nicky said.
Bernardo glared at him and set his shoulders, moving slightly forward. People think that fights begin with frowns, or shouts, but they don't. They begin in much smaller body cues, the human version of dogs raising their hackles, but the dogs know what it means, and so do most men.
Nicky smiled, which was another way to egg the other man on. It was escalating the fight without most women realizing what he'd done, but I wasn't most women.
"Nicky," I said, "don't."
He looked at me, his face trying for innocent and failing.
Bernardo moved a little closer, and I stepped between them. "We are not fighting over stupid shit," I said.
"You're not my boss, not yet," Bernardo said.
"I don't know what you mean by the whole 'not yet' comment, but I do know we are not wasting time having a pissing contest."
"Bernardo's new," Lisandro said. "You haven't told Nicky that he can't fight him for real, and Nicky's been spoiling for a real fight for a while."
"I don't know what you mean by a real fight. Nicky spars with the rest of the guards."
"Sparring isn't real," Lisandro said.
I turned and looked at Nicky. "What have I missed?"
"Don't know what you mean," Nicky said.
"Why would you want to fight Bernardo for real?"
Nicky just looked at me.
"Answer my question, Nicky."
He frowned, sighed, and answered, because he had to; if I made it a direct question he had no choice but to answer me. "I don't hurt people now because no one's paying me to do it, and you've told me I'm not allowed to kill anyone who belongs to you even if they start the fight. You've got some very tough people working for you. I could kill them, but if I can't kill them, they could hurt me, badly, so I don't fight."
"You spar," I said.
He looked out past the cars, as if he were counting to ten. "It's not the same thing, Anita. It's so not the same thing."
"Are you saying that you want to fight Bernardo so you can hurt or kill him?"
"I want to hurt someone, yeah." His big hands folded into fists and a tightness ran across his shoulders and upper body like a coiled spring waiting for the switch to release all that pent-up power.
"Why?" I asked.
Nicky gave me a look that wasn't friendly. It was the look you see sometimes in the zoo from the beasts behind the bars. No matter how much land they have to run in, how many toys they have to play with, there's always one big cat that seems to remember running free, and knows no matter how big the cage is, it's still a cage, and he wants out. Nicky's lion filled his one good eye with amber, and then he blinked and it