ounce of composure, my mother strode in.
“Cécile!” she snarled, but I cut her off before she could start into me.
“Mama!” I flung myself against her, burying my face in the fur collar of her coat. She smelled like perfume, cigar smoke, and spilled wine, but I didn’t care.
“What’s happened?” she demanded. “Has someone hurt you?” Her strong arms pushed me back, face pale as she examined me. “Well?”
What to say? The truth was impossible – even if I could tell her, after the way I’d just acted, I’d sound like a raving lunatic. “I woke up afraid,” I mumbled, looking away for shame of how childish I sounded.
“A bad dream?” From the tone of her voice, my mother agreed with my assessment of my behavior.
Wiping tears away with the back of my hand, I nodded.
“Stars and heavens, you will be the death of me!” She pressed the heel of her hand to her forehead, and only then did I notice how disheveled she was. Her hair was loose of all its pins and the kohl rimming her eyes was smeared. “For a dream you wake the neighbors. Ahh!” she grimaced. “Not just the neighbors, half the dogs in the city were caterwauling along with you.”
“I’m sorry.”
“You’re a fool of a girl.” She shook her head, her eyes blurry with something – likely wine, though it could have been absinthe. Or worse. Her hand reached for me so suddenly that I had to stop myself from jerking away. “You’ve been crying.”
Warmth filled my chest, my heart convinced I’d heard a note of compassion in her voice.
“You shouldn’t, you know. Some girls look pretty when they cry and can wield their tears like a weapon against men. But you aren’t one of them. Instead of wrapping them around your finger, you’ll send them running.”
The warmth fled, and my mutinous bottom lip began to tremble.
Her shoulders slumped a little. “Heaven knows, that’s why I never shed a tear in public.” Letting go of my face, she took my arm and pulled me toward the door. “It’s freezing in here. If you catch cold, you won’t be able to sing. And if you can’t sing…” Her mouth pressed out in a little pout. “Well, the neighbors might well be pleased.”
I steadied her arm as we walked down the stairs together. “Build up the fire a bit,” she said. “I will make us something hot to drink.”
I mindlessly stirred the coals and added wood to the fire, my mind all for Tristan and what could possibly be going on in Trollus. Where was he now? What were they doing to him? And worst of all, what was I going to do about it? The promise I’d made his father felt like it was crawling through my veins, a separate living thing that had found its way inside me against my will.
“Sit with me.”
My mother had returned to the great room with two steaming cups in her hands, the faint smell of mint and chamomile drifting through the air. I settled next to her on the well-padded settee, tucking my chilled feet underneath me to warm them. She waited until I was settled to hand me a cup, and for a long time we both silently watched the fire. It felt comfortable and warm, and for the first time ever, the austere townhouse felt almost like home and Genevieve almost like a real mother. I clung to the feeling, letting it drive away the black thoughts threatening to overtake me.
“Where were you?” I asked. The water clock showed the time as five in the morning. I hadn’t slept for more than an hour. That I’d fallen asleep at all was astonishing.
“The Marquis’ salon.” She tucked a lock of hair behind her ear, revealing her profile. In the firelight, I could see little crinkles were starting to form around her eyes, black little lines where the kohl had caught in them. “Some gentlemen he conducts business with are here from the mainland, and he wanted them well entertained.”
I hesitated, a question that I’d been dying – but also afraid – to ask burning on the tip of my tongue. “What exactly does that mean?”
She turned her head to look at me. “What,” she asked, raising one eyebrow, “do you think it means?”
“That you sing?” I ventured, because that was what I hoped. I might have been born in the morning, but not yesterday morning. I’d heard the gossip and the rumors, and though he’d never outright explained