Phil was so red I was starting to worry about him stroking out sitting on that chair. But I would finish what I had to say. “I ask that in addition to the numbers I’m about to report, you consider that this company has always been about a lot more than a bottom line.”
The faces around the room showed a range of emotions, but Mitzy, Muffy, and Consuelo were raptly looking at me, their backs straight. Proud.
“Thank you for indulging my need to regale you with information that you probably knew already. Now I’ll get to my report.”
I fired up the presentation, doing all I could to avoid looking at Phil or Duke. I’d said my piece and now I had to do my job.
* * *
I walked out of the boardroom and went to my office knowing I’d probably talked myself out of a job. They would vote on whether the IPO would move forward or not, but regardless of the decision, I doubted that Duke and Phil would want me around after what I’d said. In the end I just didn’t know if it would be enough to save Julia’s job, and I’d almost certainly fucked up my own future at the firm.
But I didn’t hate myself—well, at least not for this. The most important person in my life still thought I didn’t care about her.
Thinking about Julia, my chest felt heavy. I didn’t want to go there, to think about her and how much I missed her. I couldn’t. She was free of me, and all the shit I came with.
I sat at my desk and picked up my phone. There was a voicemail from Sofia and a few from the Exiles, probably to curse me out for what I did to Julia.
I tapped on the screen to call my sister.
“Hey, don’t worry. I didn’t sell my soul to the devil.”
She laughed humorlessly, but sounded relieved. “Good. We can figure this out, Rocco. Now we just need to think about how to get Julia to forgive your ass for doing the most.”
I cracked a smile, but I still felt hollow. The thought of Julia hating me made me sick to my stomach.
I tried to find a way to change the subject. “Don’t worry about CPS. I’m sure at this point it’s more a formality. They had to see how good you are with her.”
Sofia sighed, clearly not fully convinced. “Let’s hope so. This apartment is so small. I didn’t want to be at yours when they came, because that’s not our place. And, well, this one is really little.”
I scoffed at that. “They know the rent prices in the city. They won’t bother you over that.” Sofia lived in a biggish one-bedroom in Rego Park that she’d converted into a two-bedroom with a lot of creativity. “Blue has a nice home where she gets lots of love and never feels scared. That’s all a little kid can ask for, and no one taught you that, Sofia, you had to learn that on your own.”
“No, I learned it from you, Rocco.”
It was like a stab in the gut, and immediately I wanted to reject her words. To tell her that I hadn’t done anything. That I hadn’t been there for her. But I had to start listening to the people in my life who wanted me to let them in. If my sister said I’d shown her love, why couldn’t I hear that?
The next part felt like taking a leap from a building, but I said it. “Thanks for saying that, sis.” I closed my eyes, wishing I had the guts to do this with Julia, but I didn’t know if she’d ever want to see me again. “I have to go. I need to tie up some loose ends here.” Like probably getting fired.
“Okay, but think about calling her, okay?”
“I don’t think she wants to hear from me.”
I ended the call before she could ask again. I knew she’d just keep calling until I told her what had happened. I went to the voicemail messages from the exiles. There was one from Tariq and a text from Dani.
Dani: Dude Tariq just called saying José put out the bat signal. Are you all right?
I thought they would be texting me to tell me I was an asshole for doing what I did. I never expected them to actually be worried about my feelings. It was Julia who needed support, not me.