Heir to a Desert Legacy - By Maisey Yates Page 0,57

one dark brow. “I seem to be intact.”

“Nice for some.”

“Chloe, what happened last night must not be repeated.”

“Why not?” she asked, still horrified at the words coming out of her mouth. Unable to stop them. “Because it wasn’t good for you? You didn’t like having sex with me because I have stretch marks? Or was it because I was a virgin who didn’t have a clue about what she was doing? You know, it’s really daunting to be presented with a naked man and be told to have at it when you’ve never—”

“A what?” he asked, his tone soft. Ice-cold.

“A...a virgin.”

“You’ve had a child!” he said.

“I don’t see why it’s that surprising. You know how I conceived him.”

“I’m sorry, I must have missed the star in the East. Maybe if I’d seen it I would have felt like I had adequate warning.”

“So, it is a problem.”

“Yes!” he roared. “No. That’s not why it can’t happen again.”

“Then why not?”

“Because you’re not my damned wife!”

“Oh. I...well, yeah, I am, actually,” she said, blinking.

“You’re my wife on paper,” he said, lowering his voice. “But I do not wish to confuse our relationship this way.”

“Oh, I see, and now you can claim I tied you down and forced you? Sorry, Sayid, but you can’t. I don’t buy it. And no one else would, either. You had plenty of time to say no last night.”

“I didn’t want to. But I knew I should have. I knew it never should have gone so far, and I let it anyway. More reasons why it can’t happen again. And you were a virgin.” He swore.

“Yeah, I know. You’re the only one of the two of us that’s surprised by that one. I was actually very aware of the fact.”

“A fact you should have made me aware of.”

“Or what? It wouldn’t have happened? Then I’m really glad you didn’t know, because I needed it to happen. And actually, I needed it to happen in just that way. You let me have the control, you made me take it, and I don’t think I’ve ever done that before. No, I know I haven’t.”

“Of course you have,” he said, his tone dismissive. As if he needed to dismiss what had passed between them. “You’re on your way to a doctorate, you’ve hardly been inactive.”

“Yes, okay, academically, I’ve done things. A lot of things. But that’s easy. It’s easy for me to take control there, to be in charge. But I...I’ve lived in my head, Sayid. And Aden...Aden started forcing me to consider my body. To be connected with the physical part of myself. To realize that I’m a woman, not just a disembodied brain. And you...you made me make a choice, rather than just going along with life. Rather than just being afraid. And I did. Don’t ask me to regret it.”

“I don’t need you to regret it.”

“But you do. You regret it.”

“I should,” he said, his voice rough.

“Why?”

“Because I am not the man for you. I’m not the man for a virgin.”

“Oh, for heaven’s sake, Sayid, you act like I was some innocent, and I most certainly wasn’t that. I’d never been with a man before, but that was my choice. I know about sex. I’ve given birth, as you pointed out. I watched my mother get beaten until she was unconscious, until she bled. I’ve lived through the death of my half sister, the only family I could stand to be around, before I really got to know her. And I’ve had to fight to keep the child that I think of as mine, even though, biologically, he isn’t. Even though logically I shouldn’t. So don’t you dare treat me like I’m breakable. Don’t you dare try to protect me. I know you’re a product of violence. Well, so am I. I don’t have any innocence in me. No, I’d never had sex before, but that doesn’t mean I’m naive enough to look at life, or you, with rose colored glasses—” she sucked in a sharp breath “—and you made a mistake assuming I would even want to. I’m as pleased about this marriage being temporary as you are, and a little sex isn’t going to change that.”

“You think not?”

“I think not,” she returned.

“You think you want me? Every night? In your bed?”

She swallowed hard, nodding. “As long as it suits us both.” She wasn’t sure why she’d said that, wasn’t sure why she was giving in. She should tell him it was one and done. Should tell him