associated with the man before. “The fact that you are so conflicted between your desires and those of your mama and sisters speaks highly of you, Victoria, but do not allow it to absorb the whole of you. Giving of yourself is noble and good, but there must be a balance between caring for others and yourself, or you will wake one day to find there is nothing left of you.”
“And how do I distinguish that balance? If I am able to sacrifice for someone else, is it not selfishness to refuse? At what point am I hurting myself in my selflessness?” Victoria’s question hung in the air between them, fading into silence as her father watched her with a gaze that was far too pitying for Victoria’s well-being.
“My dear daughter, you’ve asked one of the most profound questions anyone can ask themselves, and one that requires a lifetime of trial and error,” he said, rising to his feet. “If you discover the secret, you must share it with me.”
Leaning over, Papa pressed a kiss onto Victoria’s head and whispered, “I love you, my darling girl.”
And with that, he left her to the silence and her thoughts.
Chapter 40
The Nelsons’ barouche was a fine vehicle. Well-sprung and maintained to perfection, the carriage was all one could wish for when traveling on a sunny day, but with the open nature of the vehicle, the autumn wind slipped through Victoria’s jacket, giving her a chill. If she bothered to notice.
Eyes fixed on the landscape, Victoria counted each passing moment, wishing the coachman would push the horses faster. Surely, she would arrive in time. When the buildings grew denser, she leaned forward to see the edge of Chelmsford drawing close, and her hands twisted in her lap as they made their way through the streets to the train station.
This was foolishness. She ought to have waited. Another few hours shouldn’t have mattered, but having passed the last day in contemplation, Victoria could not stand another moment without having taken some action.
Duty and love. Responsibility to her family and to her heart. What balance could be found in such a situation? No matter how she thought on the subject, Victoria feared she was making the wrong decision, but deep in her heart, she knew the truth and couldn’t remain silent any longer.
The footman positioned on the rumble seat hardly had time to pull the brake before Victoria was out, hurrying through the railway entrance. Glancing this way and that, she forced herself to calm. Surely, he was here. And if not, then he would arrive on the next train in an hour. But what if he had already left for Bristow? Had they passed on the road from the train station? It would be fitting for her to be forced to wait another hour.
“I do hope you are looking for me.”
Victoria’s breath caught, a smile creeping across her face as a wave of peace washed over her. She closed her eyes for one brief moment, savoring the sound of his voice, before she turned to face him.
Elijah Dixon’s features were arresting. His light eyes stood out against his dark hair, and those delightful dimples appeared in his cheeks as he met her with an appraising smile. There was an impishness to his expression that begged her to laugh with him.
“I am, Mr. Dixon. I wish to speak with you concerning an important matter.”
His brows rose. “That does sound dire, Miss Caswell. Would you join me on a stroll as we discuss this all-important matter that has brought you here?”
Taking him by the arm, Victoria allowed him to lead them down the platform.
“Mr. Flemming said you were in London,” she said.
“He had some business for me to attend to, but surely that is not interesting or unusual enough to drag you all the way from Bristow.”
Victoria sucked in a breath, holding it for a moment before she forced it out. As they arrived in a secluded corner of the station, she pulled him to a stop and faced the gentleman.
“I’ve been desperate to speak with you concerning a certain matter…”
A spark of mirth lit his gaze, and Elijah raised a hand to brush aside a lock of hair that had tumbled free of her coiffure. His fingers ran across her cheek, and Victoria sucked in another breath, stumbling over her words.
“…And I have spent the last few days—weeks, really—considering what I ought…”
But her breath caught again as Elijah rested his hand against her arm, his fingers