out demons as a tool of Beelzebul. And furthermore: If I drive out demons as a tool of Beelzebul, whose tools are your pupils when they do the driving out?
“‘Therefore, judged by them, you must stand condemned.
“‘But, if, on the contrary, I drive out demons by the finger of God, then evidently the kingdom of God has by this time made its way to you. As long as a mighty lord in full armor guards his premises, he is in peaceful possession of his property; but should one mightier than he attack and overcome him, he will strip him of his armor, on which he had relied, and distribute the spoils taken from him.’”
He goes to kiss me again and I retch more, but nothing comes out. I feel something soaking through my jeans and look down to see blood pooling between my legs.
“Dad, please,” I say. “Stop!”
And then I yell to anyone and no one.
“Somebody please help me! Please!”
My dad makes the sign of the cross above me again. He holds up the book of prayers with the pages torn out and says, beseeching,
“Almighty Lord, Word of God the Father, Jesus Christ, God and Lord of all creation; who gave to your holy apostles the power to tramp underfoot serpents and scorpions; who along with the other mandates to work miracles was pleased to grant them the authority to say: ‘Depart, you devils!’ and by whose might Satan was made to fall from heaven like lightning;
“I humbly call on your holy name in fear and trembling, asking that you grant me, your unworthy servant, pardon for all my sins, steadfast faith, and the power—supported by your mighty arm—to confront with confidence and resolution this cruel demon. I ask this through you, Jesus Christ, our Lord and God, who are coming to judge both the living and the dead and the world by fire.”
And then there is a sound loud like the chiming of bells that cuts through the chaos around me. It comes again and again.
My dad lays down the book and the cross and the rosary and we both turn and look up to the stairs leading back to the main floor of the house.
The bells chime again.
And again.
It is the doorbell.
Someone is ringing the doorbell.
“Stay here,” my father says. “Do not move.”
He gets up from his place kneeling above me and crosses himself and goes to the stairs. I watch him climbing them slowly. He opens the door and closes it behind him. Then I hear a key turn in the lock and the bolt drawn.
Fuck.
I push myself up and feel the room spin around me and I start to black out—even as I crawl toward the steps. I see the vision as if it’s being projected around me on the walls and ceiling.
In the vision I see the garden beyond the house. It is summer—hot—a cool wind blowing in off the ocean. Birds sing overhead and squirrels chase one another through the trees and across the grass.
At the edge of the forest I see my father but as a young boy. I watch him watching Sister Margaret—who is waiting by the large, reaching-up oak tree where Anselm and the sister had that picnic together. But Anselm—the boy—and the sister are not together now. He watches her from afar—and she watches the forest. She watches and waits. The boy Anselm has dark circles under both eyes. He clenches his fists.
And then through the forest a man comes crashing through the underbrush. He is young and handsome, wearing a white T-shirt and paint-splattered jeans rolled up to the ankles and boat shoes. He’s a local dockworker from the town. Sister Margaret smiles as the young man comes closer. Her whole face lights up and she flushes bright red. The young man smiles, too, his rugged face broad and handsome. They clasp hands and then he kisses her on the mouth. She kisses back.
The boy Anselm takes a step back.
Sister Margaret and the young man kiss and talk about their future. The young man laughs and pulls a switchblade out of his pocket. Still laughing and smiling, he carves their initials into the bark of the great tree. They are the same initials I saw carved into the tree that first day I moved into Harmony House. Only they are different. The initials I saw were AMJG. But what the young man carves in are only the two initials M and J. So he must be J. And M