ardeur."
"When did this happen?" he asked, his face gone to careful blankness. He was probably unsure what expression wouldn't upset me.
"I don't know."
He studied my face, and even that careful blankness could not hide his concern. "When did you give Graham a stronger taste of the ardeur?"
"I didn't. I swear, I haven't touched him again. I've worked really hard not to touch him." The words came faster and faster, until even to me it sounded hysterical, but I couldn't stop.
Jean-Claude put a finger on my lips and stopped all the protest. "If you have not touched him again, ma petite, then he cannot be addicted to the ardeur?"
I tried to say something, but he kept his finger touching my mouth. "The fact that Graham wants you is not proof of addiction, ma petite. You underestimate the pull of your sweet self."
I shook my head and moved my face back so I could speak. "He's addicted, damn it. I know the difference between lust and addiction. Ask Clay if you don't trust me." I pulled away from him; it didn't feel comforting to touch him anymore.
"I trust you, ma petite." He was frowning now.
"Then take my word for it. Graham is addicted, and I don't know when it happened. Do you understand? I've avoided him. I've done everything I can to keep him away from the ardeur and still let him be a bodyguard. Today I tried to fire him from my guard detail."
"What did he say to that?"
"He was panic stricken. He was nearly in tears. I've never seen him like that. He only calmed down when I told him I wouldn't replace him on my detail."
"The ardeur is not so easily caught, ma petite. The few touches that Graham has had are not enough to addict him."
"I saw it!" I was pacing the room now.
"I think you need a cross, ma petite."
"What?" I asked.
He went to the door, opened it. "Could you please get one of the extra crosses out of the bedside table?"
I caught a glimpse of myself in the bathroom mirror. The red shirt seemed to blaze against my pale skin and dark hair. The scarlet seemed to be some sort of accusation like a scarlet woman, the scarlet letter. The last thought stopped me, as if the hysteria had hit a stumbling block. I could think for a second. Scarlet woman, the Scarlet Letter; this wasn't me thinking. Shit. I was being messed with.
My gun and holster were still beside the sink; I hadn't had time to put it on before Jean-Claude came. I put my hand on the butt of the gun and squeezed. That was me; I was me. The gun wasn't a magical talisman, but sometimes all you need to get someone out of your head is to remind yourself who you are - who you really are, not who they think you are, or who they think you think you are, but you, the real you. The gun in my hand was me.
"Ma petite, I would prefer you step away from the gun until you are wearing a cross."
I nodded. "I'm being messed with, aren't I?"
"I believe so."
"It's daylight, early daylight. If the vampires that are messing with us are in town, they shouldn't be able to do this."
"They are the Harlequin, ma petite; now you begin to see what that means."
I nodded again, clutching at the gun as I'd clutched at Jean-Claude earlier.
"Ma petite, if you would step away from the gun?"
"The gun is helping, Jean-Claude. It's reminding me that all the hysterics isn't me."
"Humor me, ma petite."
I looked at him. His face was still that beautiful blankness, but there was a tension to his shoulders, the way he held his body. Clay was behind him in the doorway, and he wasn't even trying to hide that he was worried. "I've got the cross," he said.
I nodded again. "Give it to me."
He glanced at Jean-Claude, who nodded. Clay walked forward with his hand in a fist. "You may want to step outside, Jean-Claude," he said.
"I cannot leave you alone with her."
"Won't the cross react to you?"
"Non, for I am doing nothing to her."
I held my left hand out toward Clay. "Just give me the cross."
"By the chain," Jean-Claude said.
"Good thinking," I said. "I don't need another cross-shaped burn scar."
Clay held his fist out to me, then opened it so that the cross dangled from a thin gold chain. If a vampire had been in the room causing trouble, that would have