his gaze.
“For how long?”
He shrugs. “About two years. I loved it. I was building the cars, Sheyenne and I were together and she introduced me to it. Not only was I getting to build the car, I was driving it. I loved racing, but I love my cars more. I had to pick and when things went south with Sheyenne, I knew I had to give the racing up. I also knew it was risky for my business.”
“And you were selling them illegally … that’s dangerous, Tazen.”
He’s quiet for a minute. “Yeah, I know that. I made a mistake doing that, but sadly I’ve sold a fuck load to illegal races and sketchy people.”
I sigh. “That’s such a risk, Tazen.”
“Yeah, that’s why I’m trying to pull away from it. It won’t be easy but I am doing my best.”
I press my cheek to his cheek. “I understand why you love it. I felt it out there, the adrenaline. It was amazing.”
“It is,” he says fondly. “But it’s also distracting and dangerous.”
“Yeah,” I agree. “I think I see that.”
More silence.
“Did Sheyenne really try and run you over?”
He bursts out laughing, his body shaking against mine. “Yeah, baby, she did.”
I frown. “That’s not okay.”
He laughs harder. “No, I think you’re right about that.”
“Do you … think something is wrong with her?”
He stops laughing and his arm tightens around me. “I…” He hesitates. “Yeah, I do. I don’t know what, but there’s more than just mood swings going on. She refuses to get help, she thinks we’re all crazy.”
“Why didn’t you just cut ties when you broke it off with her? Do you…”
He squeezes me tighter. “No, I don’t love her. I never loved her. I was infatuated with her, she intrigued me, but I was never at that point.”
“Have you ever been at that point?”
He’s silent for a while. “Yeah.”
My heart twists and I swallow down my jealousy. I hate knowing there was a woman out there that had Tazen’s heart. It’s a beautiful heart to have, and I’m curious about what kind of girl managed to capture it.
“Oh, when was that?”
His silence stretches long, I wonder if it’s a story he doesn’t want to share. I’m not one to push, but I do hope he tells me. When he opens his mouth and answers, my entire world, which was in so many pieces, starts fusing back together. All with one, single word.
“Now.”
Now.
Now.
He has gone past that point … now.
With me.
Oh God.
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
Tazen and I part ways at the track, both of us slightly shaken by his words. He basically admitted he’s falling in love with me, and I said nothing. I just sat there, tucked up in his lap, completely speechless. I think he took it wrong, because he told me quickly that he had to go, kissed me and left. I curse myself that I didn’t say something, but I honestly didn’t know what to say.
I feel the same, there’s no doubt about that, but … my life is so complicated. His is exactly where he wants it to be. I’m not sure us being so serious is going to work. He doesn’t know about my life. He hasn’t met my father. Jesus, we haven’t even spent a full night together. Sure, we’ve been together every day now for months, working and taunting, but that’s all there has been. I … want more.
I want to know who Tazen Watts is.
Where is his family?
Is he close to them?
Where did he grow up?
There are so many unanswered questions that need to come before the confession of love. I need to explain that to him, but instead I sat there speechless, making him feel like I didn’t want it. I decide I can’t let him go to sleep tonight, thinking he’s made a mistake with me. I pull out my phone and text him, just as I arrive at home.
Q—What’s your address? It’s important.
I get out of my car and check on Dad before making my next move. He’s watching something on television, his eyes drooping, his bottle of alcohol tipping all over the sofa. Grinding my teeth, I walk in and pick it up. I take it to the kitchen and toss it in the bin, then I clean up the soggy mess on the couch. Dad is out of it now, so I just push him down and cover him with a blanket.
This is getting tiring.
My phone buzzes just as I get out of the shower. I get dressed in a