But a few weeks ago, curiosity had gotten the better of me and I googled him.
I wished I hadn’t looked.
Apparently Jason had gone full rock star since our breakup. He’d trashed a hotel room—kicked in a bathroom door and everything. Then he’d hurt his hand somehow. The tabloids said a fist fight with a roadie. Jason’s crew loved him, so I doubted it. But the article also said he’d broken a fog machine in a rage and Ernie had accidently confirmed it when I overheard a phone call with Jason’s tour manager, so who knew who Jason was these days. He’d ended up canceling three weeks of concerts due to exhaustion and dehydration, and there was speculation that he was abusing drugs and alcohol. I’d seen him passed out myself, and concerts didn’t get canceled unless there was a legitimate medical emergency, so I didn’t know what to believe.
I was worried about him, so I’d asked Ernie. The only time I’d ever asked him about Jason. Ernie told me to let him worry about Jason and to just take care of myself. Judging by how evasive he was, it was pretty clear that at least some of what I’d read was true.
And the Lola/Jaxon rumors were back in the tabloids in full force—only those, I knew for sure, weren’t rumors.
The whole thing made me sick. I wanted to bleach her from my brain. I couldn’t forget her standing there in that doorway in her underwear, so smug. And the universe wouldn’t let me forget it either. Her music, his music, constantly popping up in the grocery store and the gym. I’d started wearing earbuds everywhere, just so I wouldn’t be randomly accosted by it.
It was the most peculiar form of torture.
Jason was capable of things I never could have imagined. He was someone I didn’t even recognize now. Maybe he finally became Jaxon.
The painting that I was going to deliver to the gallery today had been therapeutic. Proof that the six months I’d spent with him had been real. At least at the time.
At least for me.
But it was time I rid myself of the visible reminders of the man I lost. I had enough invisible ones to deal with.
I’d drop off that painting and then I’d go on my first date since my breakup. Kristen and Josh would be there to carry the conversation when this guy bored me, which he probably would.
And I’d get through it—I had to. Because I chose happiness.
I wrapped the painting in brown paper, leashed Tucker, and went downstairs to drop it off and take the dog for a walk.
Twenty minutes later, we were coming back up to my door when I saw a courier standing outside waiting for me. “Are you”—he looked at his device—“Sloan Monroe?”
I wrapped Tucker’s leash around my hand. “Yes…”
“I have a package for you. You need to sign.”
“A package?” I scribbled my name on the digital screen. I wasn’t expecting anything. Kristen maybe?
I took the flat white envelope and let myself into my apartment, examining the outside. There was no name on it.
Kristen. She was always sending me something crazy. Last week she’d mailed me a crocheted tissue holder that looked like a vagina. She was so weird.
I dropped my keys on the credenza and sat on the sofa to open it. Tucker stood in front of me, tail wagging like there were dog treats inside it. “Maybe it’s something for you, huh?” I grinned at him as I pulled out the contents.
And then my smile fell.
I knew the handwriting on the paper instantly, even before I read a word.
A hard lump built in my throat as I scrolled through the letter.
I reached back into the envelope and a shaking hand pulled out the real reason for the delivery.
Two front-row, VIP tickets to a Jaxon Waters concert at 7:00 tonight.
Chapter 42
Sloan
♪ fresh bruises | Bring Me the Horizon
I read the letter Zane had sent me a hundred times. Stared at those four words at the top of the page until they were seared behind my eyelids. Jason lied about Lola.
Zane and Courtney were close.
The letter went on to explain that Courtney had told Zane she had been there the night Lola showed up. That Jason had never been alone with Lola except for the few seconds when she’d walked through his room to answer the door for me. Jason had taken a sleeping pill and had no idea Lola had even been there until he woke up.
Then Zane said