to use them. Not for the first time did she curse the driver of the other vehicle, the one who had run into their small car, hitting it from the side and damaging so much of her stomach and internal organs.
The evening turned into a nightmare for Helen. She sat with a smile pasted on her face while her insides churned painfully. She wished she could just hide in a room somewhere and curl up into a protective ball. She desperately wanted to give Dimitri the children he deserved and fill his house with laughter and happiness. But she’d been told almost ten years ago that the accident had damaged her reproductive organs. After several operations to fix internal problems, the doctors had explained that the accident had caused the Fallopian tubes to disconnect from the ovaries. They were already disconnected on all women, but in her case, the gap between the two was too wide. Even artificial insemination would be difficult since the egg rarely came down from her damaged ovaries into the uterus.
Helen swallowed the food but had no idea what she was eating. She said all the appropriate things to Dimitri’s sisters, brothers in law and parents, but by the end of the evening, she couldn’t remember any of the conversation. Her heart ached and her body wanted to just throw up everything she’d just put into it. Avoiding alcohol helped so she downed as much ice water as she could get, the butler refilling her glass at least four times during the meal. She noticed Dimitri looking at her oddly, but couldn’t explain to him what she was feeling.
As soon as they stepped into his penthouse, he took her hand and pulled her into his arms. She allowed it for a long moment, needing the reassurance just one more time that she was a desirable and feminine woman, not a freak of nature that couldn’t do what it was supposed to do. What was the point of a woman who could not produce a child, she sniffed angrily, holding onto his shoulders as if he were a lifeline.
With his strong arms wrapped around her, he picked her up and walked over to a large, overstuffed chair, settling her in his lap. “Hey, what’s wrong, Helen? You’re so tense you’re going to snap into two parts if you don’t relax,” he said.
Helen could no longer hold in the tears. She let them fall, sobbing loudly onto his shirt front. Whispering how sorry she was the whole time. In response, Dimitri rocked her back and forth, shushing her and running his arms reassuringly down her back. Leaning back, he handed her a handkerchief, rubbing her back as she let the sobs flow.
In the end, Helen was too worn out to talk. Her eyes were red and swollen from the emotion she’d expended and her throat was sore from the crying. Helen felt Dimitri lift her up and carry her to the bedroom and stiffened, worried about what he was going to do. But she shouldn’t have worried. He only took off her shoes and changed her into one of his tee-shirts, then gently laid her down onto the bed, holding her until she fell asleep cradled in his arms.
Chapter 9
Helen woke early the next morning, the sun not over the horizon yet. She looked down and realized that Dimitri was still asleep. This was odd since he was usually gone by this time, gently kissing her as he slipped out the door.
“Good morning,” he said, not bothering to open his eyes as he pulled her back down onto his chest.
Helen resisted and pulled herself out of bed, rushing to the bathroom and closing herself in for a long time. The stomach nausea was back with a vengeance and she sat down on the toilet, wishing the queasiness away. How was she going to face him? Today!
She’d have to end this relationship today. After seeing him with his nieces and nephews, understanding how much he loved them and what a wonderful father he would be with his own children, she could no longer go on loving him. She had to release him so he could find his own happiness. Wanting it to go on for another day, or week would be unfair to Dimitri.
She’d just have to be strong, not let her love for him show in any way. It would be her last act of love in a way. She would step out of his life, let him