my fingernails down to the nubs and pace in my cage back and forth, unable to keep still.
Warmth trickles down my front from my two stab wounds, but I barely pay them any attention, knowing they’ll knit themselves back together hopefully before Morax returns with my sisters, or my sisters return with an army to destroy him and save the day.
But there’s just so much that could go wrong, and despite my efforts to stay positive, I’m worried. Everything is riding on the hope that Medley and I—and Delta too—can use the darkness to be completely impervious to Morax’s control. But we’re so new at understanding how we can make it work. What if it fades? What if Medley hurts her mates or Delta’s? What if she doesn’t come back?
“Sable, sit down. You’re hurt, and pacing isn’t going to help anything.”
I shoot an exasperated look past my dark wings over to Toreon where he’s standing and clutching the bars, watching me.
“Funny advice coming from the guy who just went mental, screaming about me being your mate. What were you thinking?” I snap.
“I was thinking that fucker was forcing himself on my mate,” he whips right back.
“And what was that confession going to do for you? Did you think Morax was going to be like, my bad and then just hand me back to you? You gave him even more leverage to hurt me, to hurt you! It was stupid!” I whisper-yell at him.
“And what should I have done? Said nothing? Done nothing? Offered to hold you down while he raped you in front of me?” he snarls.
I angrily grind my teeth. “No, you keep your mouth shut and play it smart. If I can endure it, you can too. I know you’ve given up hope and let yourself rot in here, but I want to live. I want to get out, and that means playing along! I can’t just sit in the corner until I die like you’ve been doing.”
He flinches at my vitriol, his lips pressing into a thin line, and regret immediately slaps me in the face. I stop walking to pinch the bridge of my nose and take a deep breath, and then my shoulders slump. “I’m sorry,” I say, dropping my hand to look at him, moisture a sheen over my eyes. “I’m just… I don’t know, pissed, panicked, worried. I’m still processing what just happened. I know you want out of here too. I didn’t mean that.”
He’s quiet for a second, and when I shove my finger into my mouth to try to bite more nail off that’s not there, I drop it in frustration and start twisting at my feathers.
“Come sit.”
I peer over at him as he pats the ground past the bars in invitation. With a sigh, I walk over and sit beside him as close as I can with the barrier between us. The wound at my side tugs slightly, but it’s already stopped bleeding.
“She’s going to be okay,” he tells me, and my shoulders tense up again. Just thinking about Medley’s task makes anxiety crowd me, pressing against my organs with suffocating presence.
“Anything could go wrong,” I argue. “Her darkness could slip, and his compulsion could take over. Or she could run into problems with finding Delta. Or heck, even if Medley does find her, what if Delta won’t come? What if their mates don’t let them come back? What if—”
“You can kill yourself with what ifs,” he interrupts, his voice a low, even timbre. “The dreaded possibilities are enough to drown anyone if you let yourself wade in them long enough. You have to hold your head above water. You have to keep your feet firmly planted on the here and now.”
My eyes fall to my lap. “I know,” I say quietly. “I know you’re right, but it’s hard. I just found her, and we have everything at stake. For the first time in my life, I can actually have a life. I want to learn what it is to be my real self, not just a demon hybrid, but me. Without the diagnoses and the labels and the fear. I want to get out of here, Toreon, so that I can really live,” I admit, my voice breaking slightly at the fear that this will all end before it even starts. “But I’m so scared. I want it so badly, and one monster stands in the way of it all.”
Instead of rolling his eyes or shrugging off my confession