the back of her neck, just above the fourth vertebra. She’s in very critical condition. We’ve got her stabilized, but it’s going to be a long night. As the swelling around her spine goes down, we’ll know how much movement and sensation she’ll get back. When she was brought into the emergency room, she had no sensation or movement of any kind below her neck and she was having severe trouble breathing.”
“She’s going to live?” Dave demanded.
The doctor hesitated.
“She’s also got broken ribs, a collapsed lung, a dislocated shoulder. She’s started to run a temperature. None of those injuries is life threatening, but the shock is a problem. We will know a lot more in twenty-four hours.”
“She’ll be out of recovery and moved to ICU in another hour,” the other surgeon said. “We’ll take it day by day. Don’t assume the worst or the best. Reality is likely going to lie somewhere between the two.”
The intensive care unit had a waiting room with couches as well as chairs, a coffee stand in the corner of the room. Dave paced, and Lace used the phone, calling friends to let them know what had happened. James sat on the couch fighting the pain and fighting the panic.
She had to be okay. She just had to be.
Rae had worked herself to the point of exhaustion, having been at the office by 5:00 a.m., not leaving until 9:00 p.m. She had stopped to buy a gallon of milk at the store on the way home. The accident had happened at a busy intersection less than four blocks from her house, her car hit on the driver’s side by another vehicle. No one was quite sure what had caused the accident.
James felt like it was his fault.
She was paralyzed, she had broken ribs, a collapsed lung, a dislocated shoulder. It should have been him, not her.
His mom, Patricia, Kevin, all came to join the silent vigil. Patricia came over and hugged him. It hurt his ribs and helped his heart.
“She’ll be okay, James.”
James nodded, wishing he could share his sister’s optimism.
It was almost two hours before Rae was moved to the ICU and they had the first chance to see her, only five minutes each hour, only one of them at a time. James didn’t ask to be the first. He wanted to, but the situation was complex at best, for he carried the guilt of knowing his actions had contributed to her fatigue. Lace and Dave looked at each other and took pity on him, sending him with the nurse.
James stepped into the quiet room, afraid of the worst. Rae was in a steel brace to keep her neck still, a respirator breathing for her. They hadn’t mentioned how badly her face had been bruised.
“Hey, lady,” he whispered softly, fighting the tears.
He eased her lax hand into his, very gently stroked her hair. “I hear you’re having a rough night, so I came to keep you company,” he said softly. “Lace and Dave are here to see you, too.”
He kept stroking her hair, talking softly, fighting the tears that wanted to fall. She was a mess.
He didn’t care.
He didn’t care if she could walk or move. He loved her. He didn’t care what stuff she could no longer do.
He realized in that instant what she had meant when she said she didn’t care how much energy he had. Love really did make the limitations irrelevant.
A few of the tears slipped across his smile. “Rae, I love you. Everything is going to be all right. Just keep fighting, okay?”
He tenderly brushed back the hair from her forehead, uncovering yet another ugly bruise. He tried to stop the smile that refused to be contained; it was smile or cry. “Honey, you really did do a good job this time. I don’t think black and blue are your best colors,” he quipped gently. “Can you open your eyes for me?”
It took her a few moments, but her eyelashes fluttered open.
He tightened his hold on her hand but realized with a sinking tightness in his chest that she could not feel it.
He touched her cheek. She could not speak with the respirator, but he could see the emotion in her eyes; the fear, the pain, the confusion. “You’re going to be all right, honey. I love you and everything is going to be okay,” he said softly.
Her face stiffened at the respirator and he carefully soothed out the tension. “Don’t fight it, honey, your body just needs time