Alison had baby Lisa Suzette Saint-Mortimer at nine fifteen this morning. Baby is doing fine. They discovered the cancer has invaded Alison’s uterus. She’s back in the OR now for a hysterectomy and lymph node dissection. Please let the others know when you can, including Zoe and Ed, per Alison. Xo
That was it for him, there was no way he would be able to repeat those words four times, so hopefully Joan would do the deed and let them all know.
Suddenly, he felt like his feet were stuck in concrete, thwarting his ability to move toward the nursery. The fear of having to placate his parents filled him with dread. All he’d done was disappoint them, first by getting Kathy pregnant, then by failing her so she’d turned to Hank. Now he’d put them in a position of having to move across country to help them out, and there was a big possibility that his wife might not even make it, that they’d end up raising his daughter, the very thing he didn’t want.
“Why are you thinking like that?” he admonished himself. “Stop with the negative inner dialogue.”
As he approached the nursery, he could see his father holding the baby, his mother standing just to the side, looking over his shoulder, and Dr. and Mrs. Saint sitting down in front of them, the four grandparents clearly happy and not thinking about death and losing Alison. Shaking his head, he pressed the doorbell at the nursery entrance, and someone recognized him, buzzing him in.
“There he is, the man of the hour,” Fred Mortimer said. “Thank you, son, for the beautiful little girl.”
Well, that was it, Rich lost it, lowering his head as the tears came.
“Good lord, son, what is it?”
“They took her to surgery. I’m just worried. She’s fine, they said she’d do well, but I’m a nervous wreck, like a girl.”
They crowded around Rich, offering support and love. “Sit down, son,” Suzette said. “Hold your little sweetheart. She has the power to make things right. Can you feel it, Lisa? John?”
“I can feel it. She’s so special.”
“She’s very special, that’s for sure,” John said, standing so Rich could sit.
Fred put the baby in his son’s arms, and it did help. Rich could see immediately what they meant. It was hard to feel hopeless when holding this little life. She rooted around on his chest.
“Oh boy, this isn’t going to work,” he said, laughing.
“Here’s a little formula,” Suzette said, handing the tiniest bottle of white liquid over, holding it near the baby’s mouth, and she took it immediately without difficulty.
Watching her eat, Rich’s heart overflowed with love. His wife had just given birth to this miracle. She’d gone through all the work herself, and as much as he tried to hide it, she had to know that he was fighting her a little bit. If she hadn’t saved his sperm and inseminated herself with it, she might not have gotten pregnant. The cancer would have destroyed any chances of them having a child together, her consuming goal.
“I want a family.” How many times had Alison said that? It was the defense she’d use for not fully transitioning.
“I’m so grateful for the term gender-fluid,” she’d said. “I don’t have to defend myself anymore.”
“Alison, you never have to defend yourself!”
While the grandparents chatted, a wave of fear went through him. It was the first time he was confronted with the real possibility that Alison might want to continue the change; she was losing her ability to bear children at that moment. Would it propel her to go a step further? It was one thing to say he would support her through the change, but faced with her potential demise, he wanted to hold onto what he had of her as long as possible.
“Pull it together, jerk,” he mumbled.
The last thing they needed was for him to make an issue of it now. He’d deal with any insecurities alone. The key to their survival was her survival. How was Alison going to cope with the loss of her childbearing potential?
He felt a soft wipe on his cheek and opened his eyes. A familiar hand holding a tissue was hovering over him. Suzette.
“You’re crying in your sleep,” she whispered, wiping the other side of his face.
Lisa Saint had the baby, and the other grandparents looked at him with compassion. When had he fallen asleep?
“How long was I out?”
“About thirty minutes,” Fred said. “Check your phone, buddy. I heard it beep.”
Standing, Rich dug in his pocket