get it, you not wanting to potentially inflict that kind of pain.
“But, I’ve also seen firsthand what happens to a man when he sets aside his fears and takes hold. I’ve felt the bone-deep joy that fills the room when a child is brought into this world. So bottom line, I guess you need to ask yourself if you’re willing to live with the knowledge you’re a coward. That you turned your back on a good woman because you were scared of life and all of the things you cannot control.”
I’d like to think I had a fairly good grip on my temper, however, Coop calling me a coward on the heels of Zane pulling his shit had that hold slipping and fast.
“Not fond of being called a coward,” I ground out.
“Bet not. But I reckon you’d be less fond of looking at yourself in the mirror for the rest of your life knowing you are one.”
“What the fuck?” The words whistled through my teeth as I clenched my jaw.
“That’s a good question, Gabe. What the fuck is standing in your way of admitting you have feelings for Evette? Why won’t you let yourself have this? For fuck’s sake, brother, this is the good part. Or so I’ve been told. You know, boy meets girl, finds some happiness, falls in love, does so deliriously pleased he found a woman as good as Evette. Some great sex is sprinkled in there. Some good times. Some hard times. Then comes marriage and a baby carriage. But not you. You’re twisting it into something dark, painful, and throwing in a dash of misery for good measure. What is so goddamn bad about falling in love with Evette?”
“Because if I die, leaving her strapped with a kid then where the fuck does that leave her?”
“Don’t know, Gabe. I’d assume that’d leave her devastated at the loss of you. With a heart full of good times and—”
“A heart full of good times doesn’t put food on the table. It doesn’t pay the rent. It doesn’t keep you warm. It leaves you homeless and hungry with a kid to feed.”
Silence filled the room.
Ugliness filled my pounding heart.
Lava boiled in my veins.
The poison that polluted my every thought coated my skin.
I couldn’t breathe without pain.
I was everything Zane and Cooper had said I was. A materialist coward. Whose only value was meaningless. Money, cars, toys men bought when they had nothing worthwhile in their lives. When they were hollow. Bottomless pits of nothing because they were too afraid to commit to the idea there was more to life.
“You’d never allow that to happen,” Cooper whispered.
He was correct, I wouldn’t. But my father hadn’t meant for it to happen either. He’d had life insurance. Just not enough. He’d had investments. But life was life and investments don’t mean shit when the market hits a low and you’re so desperate you have to cash out before the rebound. He didn’t know he was going to die before the cars were paid off and the mortgage was paid down. And my mother didn’t know how to function without him. So lost in her despair with no family to help, she’d mismanaged everything. And by the time she’d pulled herself together, it was too late.
Shit happened.
Life was cruel.
“Gabe, if it’s not Evette then it’s not her. But whoever it is that you’re meant to be with would be taken care of. You have to know, your brothers would never allow your family to go without.”
“It’s Evette,” I blurted out.
Now that the truth hung in the air, had been spoken, I couldn’t say a peace settled over me but I no longer felt fenced in.
Life could turn but that didn’t mean I had to hide like a pussy coward.
My hands came up to scrub my face and I was happy to report I could now do that since my head was out of my ass. I wasn’t going to give up Evette because of a series of what-ifs that might never come to fruition.
I dropped my hands and took in Cooper Cain.
The guy was smarter than I’d given him credit for.
“I appreciate you, brother. In case I haven’t made myself clear, I’m pleased as fuck to have you on my team.”
“’Preciate that,” he returned.
“There ever comes a time you need me to step up and return the favor, I hope you know I got your back.”
Coop’s mouth twitched and he shook his head.
“Great,” he muttered. “Not sure I want this particular favor