I drew in a slow, deep breath, and battled the war within knowing I was going to lose.
And lose I did.
Before I did what I wanted to do and that was toss her on the bed and taste every inch of her, I shifted away.
I needed to talk to Cooper.
Work had to be sorted.
“Be back.”
I made my way into the living room and caught sight of Cooper in the kitchen. He finished downing his beer and tossed the bottle in the recycling bin before he faced me.
“You good?”
“Yep.” Coop eyed me knowing damn well I was lying through my teeth but he didn’t call me on it. “How was dinner at your brother’s?”
“It’s always a good time watching my nephew run all over my brother. My parents showed up with one of those old-school gumball machines and a roll of pennies. By the time I’d left, Mason was out of pennies and the machine was half-empty. The kid will be flying high on a sugar rush for days. Jaxon grumbled the whole time. Mas ignored his dad’s protests and kept on chewing. Violet was Violet and just smiled until Mas tried to blow a bubble and spit a wad of gum on the floor. After that, she put the machine away. Being as my mom is determined to dole out what she calls payback told Mason she’d bring him out more gumballs when he ran out.”
There was that word—payback. Owen happily showed up earlier and dished out what he called turnabout for the shit I’d given him about Natasha.
“Now, you wanna tell me the truth? You good after what happened at the office?”
No, I was not good. I was pissed, confused, and teetering on the brink of disaster.
“I should’ve seen it coming. Zane knows me and knows what buttons to push. I lost my cool and in doing that I gave him more ammo.”
Coop nodded then added, “I can’t know because I haven’t walked in your shoes and I don’t know the whole story. But it seems to me when a woman who’s worthwhile steps onto your path, you pull out all the stops to make sure she doesn’t veer off of it.”
“It’s not that easy.”
“It never is. And not just because a goal worth making means hard work.”
“Evette’s not a goal.”
“She’s not?”
I felt unease start to coil. It was different than the anger that had been circulating. Different from the indecision that had plagued me from the moment I’d met Evette. An all-out war was now raging inside of me—I didn’t want to let Evette go but my past told me I had to. Fear demanded I keep my distance. Attraction challenged my rationality. Desire provoked foolish thoughts.
I’d only ever had one objective in life—never go back.
I didn’t want a wife or kids. Nothing in life was permanent. Nothing was certain. Nothing was guaranteed.
“What is it you’re scared of?”
Coop’s question jolted me from the ugly turn my memories had taken. It was on the tip of my tongue to argue. I was a grown-ass man, I wasn’t scared of anything. Yet I was. Down to my bones, I was scared as fuck.
“Of life,” I admitted.
“That’s a broad statement.”
“You were a cop. Your brother served. You know the dangers of our job. Life has a way of fucking with you, even when you think your shit’s squared away something beyond your control can happen and sweep it all away.”
“I get it.”
Well, that was fucking fabulous Coop got it because I wasn’t so sure I understood what I was so damn scared of anymore.
“Widowmaker,” Coop continued. “I knew plenty of guys back in LA who felt the same way. Played the field, never committing, not wanting to take on a family while they were still on the force. But I knew plenty who were married and had kids.” Coop shrugged as if he hadn’t summed up my issues in a tidy bow.
It would seem Cooper wasn’t done and he saved the kill shot for last.
“I’ve never been in love. I have buried a brother. I have sat beside a grieving widow and felt the sorrow pouring out of her so thick it was enough to choke me. I have cared for a good woman after she lost her man. Held her while she sobbed in my arms, held her up when her legs gave out. So I