me. But it can’t be that much worse than it is now.
Jason is right: It’s worth a shot.
“You might be the smartest person I’ve ever met,” I say.
“You need to meet more people then. But thank you. You’re very sweet.”
Silence falls.
“I’m guessing this is still it for us, though?” he asks. “You aren’t going to see me again after this, are you?”
“I mean, never say never, but…”
He is still linked with the cops. This is so risky.
“Well,” he says. “Then I’m hoping for a kiss goodbye…? Maybe it’d help with closure. One last kiss, and then…”
“You don’t need to explain,” I say. “I get it.”
I lean across and put my hand on his chest. The material of his shirt feels silky, and I can feel his firm muscles underneath. I close my eyes and kiss him like my life depends on it.
Honestly?
It is, by far, the best kiss we’ve ever had. It feels so good. I know I need to stop right now, or I’m never going to be able to stop myself from seeing him.
I move away.
“There you go,” he says, smiling. “Was that cinematic enough for you?”
“Definitely.”
“One last thing,” he says. “I got you something, actually.”
“Oh, okay.”
He reaches into his pocket and pulls out a leather wristband.
“What’s this?” I ask.
“It’s a bracelet. I bought it a while ago, because I thought you’d like it. Then I realized I never gave it to you. I thought I’d give it to you now, as, like, a thanks-for-the-memories thing.”
I take it from him. My first thought is that it might have some sort of recording tech in it. It’s thin, just a strip of leather. But still.
“This is a friendship bracelet,” I say.
“Exactly. I knew you’d get it.”
“Well, thank you. I love it. But, dude, I really need to go. The longer I stay here, the more I want to keep you around. But I can’t. If my dad finds out…”
“I know. I don’t want to be sappy or anything, but I want you to know something.”
“What?” I ask.
“I think we’re always going to be friends.”
“What do you mean?”
“We got so close and have gone through so much together. That’s never going away. So, like … no matter what, we’re going to be friends. Till the end.”
I want to believe him. The thought gives me a strange comfort. Friends till the end.
CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE
I need to tell Luke first.
Well, I don’t need to.
But I think it’s the best strategy. If telling Dad about who I really am, and what I really want out of my life, is an epically bad idea, then he’ll be able to tell me.
I could just walk into his room and do it.
Rip the Band-Aid and all that.
But it’s Luke. And as much as we don’t see eye to eye on stuff, I love him. I don’t want that to change. If Dad pushes me away, I think I could deal. But if Luke starts to hate me, that would completely and utterly crush me.
I guess that’s the risk I need to take.
It’s been only a day since I met up with Jason, but this is the first time ever where who I am is working. As terrifying as it is to show Luke and Dad who I really am.
I can finish school and then apply for film school in California.
Then I’ll be gone for good.
Until then, though, I want Dad to know I’m stepping away from the family business.
I can’t stop them. Jason was right about that. I can ask Dad to try to make peace with them, but that’s all I can do.
I try to muster up the courage to go to Luke’s room. I’m shaking, it’s that bad. I tell myself that Luke already knows.
He must. Everyone else just thinks I’m bad at the family business, but Luke knows me.
I check the time on my phone. It’s ten to eight.
I’ll do it at eight.
I have ten minutes.
I close my eyes, just thinking. This isn’t something I can ever take back. Once this is out, this will always be out.
Eight minutes left.
Now six. Now two.
Now one.
It’s time.
I sit up. Maybe I don’t need to do this right now. Maybe I could just wait. Maybe …
I stand up and leave my room. I made a deal with myself, and my deals mean something.
Luke’s door is open.
He’s seated at his computer, playing Dota.
“Hey,” I say.
He keeps playing. “What’s up? I’m mid-game, dude, make it quick.”