The Formidable Earl (Diamonds in the Rough #6) - Sophie Barnes Page 0,81
know.” She was fairly sure she’d lost her sanity the first time Simon kissed her.
Guthrie held her gaze for a moment, just long enough to assure her of what he was thinking. And then, to be certain there was no misunderstanding, he leaned forward and whispered next to her ear, “Your love for him will break your heart.”
Ida fought the cramping of her throat. “It already has.”
Compassion warmed Guthrie’s gaze when he straightened. He gave her a nod full of understanding. “Very well. But I expect you both to accept the help of the two men I’m sending over to serve as your personal guards. Blayne has a tavern to run so one night is all you’ll be getting from him. Understood?”
“Perfectly,” Simon muttered.
“I’ll help him find the men who worked with Harold Baker – see if they know anything and are willing to talk. A bit of pressure here and there should get the job done fairly quickly.”
“Thank you,” Ida said.
Guthrie angled his head toward Simon and frowned. “Walk me to the door, Fielding.”
Simon hesitated. He glanced at Ida. When she nodded, he followed Guthrie out into the hallway, leaving her alone with Blayne. “Thank you again for coming.”
“Ye’re welcome, lass.” He pushed himself away from the fireplace. “Guthrie means well, ye ken?”
“Yes, he does, but this is my life, my choice.”
“But are ye completely sure ye want Fielding to be a part of it?”
Ida smiled. “For the time being. Yes.”
“Well. I’m nae going to try and understand yer reasoning, lass, or make a go at changing yer mind. But he could marry ye if he truly wanted. If he were willing to face the scandal.”
It was a harrowing thought to be left with. Of course, it was one Ida had considered – the very same one that had kept a small hope burning in her breast. But it wasn’t an option Simon would think of. He’d just made that perfectly clear. They were from two different worlds and while he might no longer care if people knew he was bedding her, his duty toward his title was clearly stronger than whatever affection he harbored for her.
It wasn’t all that surprising, but it still made Ida want to scream in frustration.
Her love for him was like a curse, binding her to him until she found the strength to walk away.
One day, she promised herself, when this was all over, she’d find that strength. Because in the end, she deserved better than to sacrifice her future on someone who didn’t love her in equal measure.
She’ll never be yours unless you put a ring on her finger.
Guthrie’s parting words echoed through Simon’s head. Clearly, the man had stepped into Matthew Strong’s shoes and was trying to do what was best for Ida. And if she hadn’t stood up to him with as much conviction and fearlessness as she had, Simon believed he might have ended up in the hospital.
The man had been furious. He’d accused Simon of being a coward.
Simon winced at the memory. The insult still rankled, perhaps because he could not shake the notion of its being true. His position demanded he hold himself to the highest standard, but when he considered what that implied – that to his way of thinking it meant Ida wasn’t good enough to be his wife – he felt disgusted with himself. Because she, more than anyone else he’d ever known, ought to be revered and yet…
If he married her, he would be going against everything he’d been taught was essential for his position. He’d be ignoring his duty toward the title and undoing generations worth of proper conduct.
Shoving his hands in his pockets, Simon glanced out the window at the narrow strip of garden that ran alongside the house while Ida went to fetch some tea.
Swallowing, he considered her with the sort of seriousness he’d never dared before. Her father had been executed for treason, she’d spent the last four years living in a brothel, she had no connections or relations besides Philipa, who happened to be London’s most famous bawd. Good God, it didn’t matter if he enjoyed Ida’s company, if he cared for her, or thought her the most splendid creature on earth. He absolutely could not make her the Countess of Fielding. Even without his parents alive to tell him the mere idea was preposterous, Simon knew it to be impossible. And for Guthrie to have suggested it in her presence had been unforgivably cruel.