hoping he would hear the sincerity in my voice. “I know I’ve said it before, but I’m sorry about this whole situation. I can’t imagine how you must be feeling. I wish I could remember something about you, about our time together, to give me something to go off – but it’s all blank.”
“Don’t worry, baby.” His hand on my wrist tightened ever so slightly. “We have all the time in the world for you to get to know me again.”
He wasn’t wrong, but I knew that wasn’t something I wanted to explore. I was wholeheartedly in love with Elliot, and I wanted things to go back to the way they were . . . but a part of me also felt responsible for Anderson. I suddenly wished he had never come to visit me. Things were easier to dissect and think about when I wasn’t face-to-face with him. It was simpler to imagine getting on with my life without him in it when I didn’t have to speak to him or see him.
It felt less personal, less like he was a real person.
“Have you spoken to Doctor Abara?” I quizzed.
“Yes,” Anderson said, leaning back in his chair but never taking his hand off my wrist. “I speak to him every evening; he’s kind enough to give me updates on you. Most recently was on the phone earlier tonight. He told me you had an . . . episode.”
I tried to keep my expression neutral, but I couldn’t control the pounding of my heart. I knew Anderson could feel the change in pace of my pulse; his fingers were rested right on my wrist. He looked at my wrist, then back to me with a raised eyebrow. My stomach churned. Had Doctor Abara told him that Elliot and I had kissed? Or that he’d assisted me in the shower? I didn’t know this man from Adam, but I couldn’t control the sense of fear that filled me as I wondered if he’d found out. He would think I’d cheated on him even though, to me, he was still very much a stranger.
“It was scary.” I cleared my throat. “I’ve had headaches constantly since I woke up, but I hadn’t had an episode like that since the first day or two, where the pain was so bad that it caused me to collapse.”
“You’re okay now,” Anderson assured me. “Just take it easy – the doctor said you were overdoing it . . . trying to heal faster.”
I practically deflated with relief.
The doctor hadn’t told him anything private, and I was glad. I didn’t want to hurt Anderson; I needed time with him so I could eventually let him down easy. It occurred to me then that I had already made up my mind, with no room for argument. I wanted Elliot. He was my one. I was heartbroken for Anderson, and I felt awful knowing I intended to end our marriage, our entire relationship, but I couldn’t be with someone I didn’t know or care for. I didn’t even want to get to know him, which made me feel horribly cruel. But the fact was I didn’t want him.
Not when I had Elliot . . . No man compared to him in my eyes, or in my heart, and no one ever would.
“Yeah.” I nodded. “I guess because my headaches aren’t as bad, and my body is healing, I was getting restless here. It was a reminder than my brain is still hurting and I’ve a long way to go until I’m better.”
“Do you remember what you were doing to bring on the pain?”
I hesitated for a moment but didn’t see the point in hiding a conversation.
“Elliot told me about why we broke up because I have no memory of it. I guess I was trying to remember what he told me for myself and my brain just checked out. One second I was talking and the next I was lying down with Doctor Abara leaning over me. He scolded me for not taking care of myself.”
Anderson kept eye contact with me as I spoke, so I busied myself with fixing my blanket. His hold on my wrist didn’t hurt, but it was bothering me. His touch didn’t soothe me like Elliot’s did when he held my hand and brushed his thumb over my knuckles.
“Elliot has been here a lot.”
A statement, not a question.
“Yes, along with my parents,” I added. “My mind is stuck in a period when they’re all I