the one to tell everyone. Maybe she already has. I guess we’ll find out.”
Mom places her hand on mine. “Jax, I know your father might have had something to do with this.” She waits, and when I don’t say anything, she continues, “I know he’s hard on you, and I want you to know that I talk to him about that a lot—the way he is with his demands on you boys. He means well, and he loves you. He does. He has a lot of regrets in life, basically goals that he set for himself but never finished. I think he pushes you because he doesn’t want you to have regrets. And I think it makes him feel good to see you succeed. It relieves some of his guilt from not accomplishing similar things himself.”
“He’s an ass, Mom,” I state bluntly.
She smiles sadly. “Yeah, perhaps he is sometimes, but he has a good heart, and he loves you. He doesn’t always go about showing you in the right way. I want you to know that you have to live your life for you. I think you’ve made a lot of decisions in life simply to make your dad happy. But I want you to make choices that will make you happy. It’s okay to live your life for you, Jax. And know that, no matter what, you have our support. No matter what, okay?” She squeezes my hand.
“Maybe yours but not his,” I answer.
“No, you have his, too. He just might take longer to come to that conclusion than me, but he’ll get there. And everything with Lily is going to be okay, sweetie. It will. It will all work out. You’ll see.” She smiles warmly.
“Thanks, Mom.”
“I love you, sweetie.”
“I love you, too, Mom.”
Something about a mother’s reassurance makes one believe that, in fact, everything is going to be okay.
After my mom has thoroughly whipped the cream to perfection, we pack up the food we’re bringing and make the short drive over to the Madisons’ home. My heart is beating out of my chest as I walk up their drive.
We are met with hugs and greetings from Lily’s parents and sisters. Lily isn’t around, and I scan the room, searching for her.
Miranda, Lily’s mom, must see me looking. “Lily did tell you that she wasn’t coming home, right?” she asks. “I guess she has the flu.”
Her question throws me off-kilter. My head is staggering with confusion. I quickly regain my bearings. “Oh, yeah.” I nod. “It’s just so weird, not having her here for the holiday,” I offer.
“I know. It’s breaking my heart.” Miranda’s eyes fill with tears before she takes a deep breath, manages a small smile, and returns to her hosting duties.
My mom and I exchange a look.
The whole Thanksgiving dinner experience is one of the most fucked up events I’ve ever been through. Sitting two seats down from me is my father. He is smiling and laughing with the Madisons, his charming personality dominating the conversations. I’m forced to remain here and feign amusement with his jokes and insincere charade. I watch his performance in disgust—with a fake smile, of course. I wouldn’t want anyone to really know what an asshole he is.
I guess nothing has changed. He’s always been a dick, and we’ve always acted like he wasn’t one. The difference today is that I don’t have Lily to take my mind away from him. I’m in her house for a holiday dinner without her. It’s so strange. Worse yet, I have to pretend that everything is normal between us. Her family has asked me several questions about her, expecting me to know the answers, and the truth is, I don’t know about the recent stuff. Besides our one text exchange, I haven’t spoken with her. I’m not sure why Lily hasn’t told her family about our break, but it isn’t my place to tell them the news.
After dinner, I take a walk out to our spot. The wind blows lightly, cooling my skin. The sun shines down on the woods beyond the field, illuminating the autumn-colored leaves still clinging to a few branches. All the leaves have fallen from our tree. The branches on the old oak look barren and cold but also beautiful, majestic, and strong. I snap a picture of the old oak, getting the rolling hills of the field and the colorful line of trees behind it.
Walking to our spot under the tree, I kick a pile of leaves to its