She is so beautiful. I’m hoping that we can still be friends during our break, but I don’t know how I’m going to go so long without feeling her body connecting with mine.
I rub my hand under her shirt, feeling her soft skin against my callous hand. I know it’s wrong, but I need to cherish her body one more time. I have to make love to her and tell her good-bye—for now.
So, that’s what’s going to happen. I’m going to make slow, sweet love to my girl. I’ll commit every sound, smell, and feeling to memory, so I can pull it up when I need her while we’re apart. I’ll remind her that she is the keeper of my soul. Then, I’ll let her go and hope she understands.
Standing in front of Stella’s door, I knock. It is early in the morning for a Sunday. She is surely still asleep, and I’ll feel bad for waking her, but I have nowhere else to go.
On my way out last night, I woke up Jess. I gave her the one-minute summary of events and asked if she could help Lily when she woke up. She nodded, wide-eyed and confused. She’s a good friend. I know she’ll take good care of Lily.
Then, I went to the library. It was pretty desolate, providing me with a decent place to hang out, but the library can only be so accommodating, and I couldn’t sit there any longer.
I’m cold. I’m tired. I’m fucking miserable. But I can’t go back to my apartment. She’s still there.
I know I’m being a selfish son of a bitch by leaving her there to grieve without me, but I can’t do it. I physically can’t watch Lily cry, the pain of her broken heart leaking out. I caused her pain, but I’m not strong enough to see it. I wouldn’t survive watching her walk out of my life. It would break me. I’d stop her and beg her to take me back, which would defeat the whole purpose for this pain.
I pull out my phone and shoot Lily a text.
Me: I’m sorry. I think it will be easier if I’m not here to say good-bye. I love you more. Always.
God, what a jackass move. She’s going to hate me.
The door opens, and Stella is standing there, wearing a tired and confused expression. “Jax?”
“Hey, Stell. Can I crash at your place for a while? I’m exhausted.”
She opens the door further. Moving to the side, she waves me in. “Of course.”
I enter the condo that her parents purchased for her. Mr. Grant, Stella’s father, owns a dozen or so small companies. He is worth a fortune. I’m sure it didn’t require a second thought before he bought this condo, full of top-of-the-line appliances and furniture, for his only child. I can see how it could get lonely, living here alone, which is probably why she spends so much time over at our apartment.
I walk across the deep mahogany wood floors.
“What is it, Jax? What happened?” Stella asks, obviously concerned.
“Stell, can we talk about it later? I just need to crash. I’ve been up all night.”
“Sure. Of course. You can crash in the guest bedroom. The bed’s all made up.”
I turn to face her. “Thank you,” I offer before turning back around and beelining to the spare bedroom. I softly close the door behind me. After removing my shoes, I climb onto the pillow-top heaven that awaits.
I pull the down comforter around me and expect sleep to immediately take me, but it doesn’t, of course. Why would it be that easy?
My mind replays the weekend filled with such a conflicting array of emotions. I can’t remember the last time I was as happy as when I opened my door on Friday night to see Lily standing there. I’ve known her my whole life, but she still takes my breath away when I see her. There has never been a more beautiful girl.
Friday night, I turned it all off. All of the nagging emotions and negative thoughts that had been plaguing me for a while were locked away. It had been so long since I saw Lily. I just needed to feel her, taste her, take her in all the ways my body needed. She needed it, too. It was the reunion of two souls that so desperately craved that connection. It was amazing, fucking perfect. Everything with Lily always is. But Friday night was more so somehow. I think we both felt the