cells. Or his dick, back in the before times. “Come again?” Because it looked like Cal wouldn’t be any time soon.
“On the “Am I the Dick” forum. Online. You asked and your peers are answering. I am merely delivering my judgment in person.”
He didn’t sound pissed, or like he had any idea that Cal had recently been imagining the sweet, ruby lips of the man’s sister wrapped around his cock.
“Petrov, I’ve put up with some of your twisted word play over the years but it’s much too early for this.”
“Are you not SkaterBro?”
“SkaterBro? Who the hell calls himself SkaterBro?”
“The person with a story very similar to yours. It’s on that website.”
He tried to parse the words. “Someone’s pretending to be me online?”
“It sounds like your situation …” He broke off. “I have sent you the link.”
A text popped up on his screen and Cal tapped into the “Am I the Dick” forum where people went to be judged by their online peers for all sorts of social faux pas and tricky situations.
“Gimme a second to read this.”
r/AITD
Throwaway_SkaterBro
AITD for forcing my girlfriend to dump me at a wedding after she got upset about not catching the bride’s bouquet?
So hear me out. I know that title doesn’t sound good, but I have my reasons. I’m sort of well-known in my field which means I have women all over me. I’m okay looking but really it’s my pots o’ green and abs for days that keeps the ladies coming back for more. I’ve been dating this girl—let’s call her Lara—for a while. Gorgeous, blond, legs, the works. She was my plus-one at the wedding of one of my bros and started getting notions. You know where this is going, right? During the wedding reception, she huddled down in a group of chicks and tried to catch the bouquet. But someone else got there first. The catcher—let’s call her Tia—tried to give it to Lara but my girl wasn’t having any of it. Then Lara blames me because I wouldn’t take her side over the bouquet. She tells me that we’ve been getting serious and that she thought I was about to propose. At my bro’s wedding after four dates. Really?
So here’s where I need a pronouncement from you, my dick-knowing peers. I might have taken Tia’s side in the bouquet dispute because it was more to my advantage. As I could see where this was going, it made sense to play it up a little. I don’t want to get married because my bro lifestyle is totally bangin’ and why would I want to interfere with that? So I said to my girl that it was just a bunch of flowers and to give the bouquet back to Tia. Lara got wicked ripped and told me to take a hike into traffic.
Maybe I could have handled it better but my experience is that most chicks like to exit the relationship feeling they have the upper hand. I’m not the kind of guy who needs to do the dumping for a power trip. Who cares? If it’s over, it’s over, and if I can make my ex-lady friend feel she had more say in the matter, I’m all about giving her this as a parting gift. It’s easiest on everyone.
So AITD for forcing my ex’s hand even though we were over and this lets her think she dumped me?
tl; dr: I did my ex a favor by forcing her to dump me at a wedding after she didn’t catch the bride’s bouquet.
Mary Mother of Christ, that’s what happened, described to a fucking T as if he was the villain here.
“Cal, you still there?”
“Yeah. Listen, I didn’t write that. Someone’s playin’ me.”
Vadim laughed. “I didn’t think it was your style. This is Tara?”
It didn’t sound like her. Far too sneaky. “No, I don’t think so.”
“One of the guys is yanking your chain?”
Maybe. “I need to make a couple of calls.”
“Sure, okay.”
Due diligence would be necessary before he starting bandying accusations right, left, and center. He forwarded the link to Tara. Is this you?
Sixty long-ass seconds later, she responded. No! Then, Is that true? You forced my hand?
Damn, damage control needed. He dialed Tara’s number. He had planned to check in with her this morning anyway.
“Calvin.”
He gripped the phone tighter. Not. His. Name.
“I wouldn’t say I forced your hand. I didn’t think we had a future, so I wasn’t opposed to you ending things.”
She shrieked. “But you might have manipulated the situation so I stormed off