oddly conservative, but failed to hide her curvy body.
She flashed me a brief smile of recognition, and I remembered that the last time I saw her she was sitting in her bedroom in tears. “Good morning,” she said, and then noticed the newspaper in a pile on Ellen’s desk. “I see you’ve already seen the paper.”
Jendrek came to life quicker than the rest of us and approached her with a rush. “Ms. Vargas, please, come in.” He took hold of the door and closed it behind her. I watched her eyes do a quick survey of our cramped, tattered space. Jendrek offered her coffee, which she declined, and then the three of us went into Jendrek’s office and closed the door.
She remained standing after Jendrek and I sat. Her urged her to sit, but she refused, saying, “There’s no need to prolong this. I was on my way downtown to meet with my lawyer, Mr. Stanton, and I figured I should come by and see you in person.”
The way she referred to Stanton as “her lawyer” struck me funny, and I caught Jendrek giving me a glance as she said it. His eyes seemed to recognize what was coming. He interrupted and said, “Ms. Vargas, I’m sure the newspaper upset you this morning. We anticipated that would happen. We discussed it with Ed on Friday.”
“Well you’re discussing it with me now,” she snapped, and then stifled herself. “I apologize,” she said. “As I’m sure you can imagine, things have been difficult, to say the least.”
I listened to her voice, her choice of words, and watched the stiff, almost uncomfortable way she carried herself. It was as if she was trying on a new personality that didn’t quite fit, the discomfort coming not from the suit, but from somewhere inside her.
“It’s not just this,” she went on. “My whole life has been one thing after another. It’s only been in the last few years that things have gone well. I guess I should have figured, with my luck, something like this was bound to happen.” She stopped herself for a moment, and I wondered if I might see more tears from her before it was over.
Jendrek spoke into the silence, softly. “Ms. Vargas, please, have a seat.”
“No, really, I’m not staying. I just wanted to come by to tell you that I have no intention of pursuing a lawsuit. I never did. Ed was the one who insisted. He’s insane about it. He’s being difficult about everything. I keep telling him that no lawsuit is going to bring Donnie back. All it will do is cause us to have to relive the whole thing over and over again. After reading that newspaper this morning, I know they’re going to fight, and I know it’s going to take a long time to win. If we win. And I just don’t think I can take it.”
The words had rushed out of her and she paused for breath. Jendrek and I exchanged looks. We were being fired. He didn’t seem surprised, but I was.
I said, “Ms. Vargas, if we let them get away, then something like will happen to someone else. You’re right, a lawsuit won’t bring Mr. Vargas back, but it might keep someone else’s husband alive by stopping this kind of thing.”
She turned and looked at me like she thought I must be joking. A smile flashed across her face that nearly turned to laughter. She cocked her head slightly to the side, as if I were a curiosity that couldn’t quite be real.
“Mr. Olson,” she said, “the world is a terrible place, and no lawsuit is going to change that. Blaming someone isn’t going to change that. I thought I’d already suffered my share of tragedy, but apparently I was wrong. But I know I’m right about something. I know I can’t get revenge against the universe. And I’m not about to grow old or go crazy trying.”
“I’m sorry, Ms. Vargas,” Jendrek said when she paused. “But Ed lead us to believe—”
“Ed’s a goddamned whiner who’s never had to work for anything in his life. This is his first dose of reality, and he doesn’t like the taste of it.” Her venom sent chills through me. Her careful demeanor was gone, and she hunched toward Jendrek like a prize-fighter towering over an unconscious opponent.
“He’s pissed about how his life is turning out. Well I say, welcome to the fucking club.” Her self-control seemed to surface from nowhere and she stopped herself,