beaming smile. ‘I also had to arrange for the computers and desks to arrive,’ he adds proudly. ‘Now you and I can work from home together – side by side.’
‘Oh, it’s… great,’ I say uncertainly. He is so delighted with what he’s done, and he so wants me to be happy I can’t crush him, and I don’t want to seem ungrateful. But he’s missed the point. The main issue I had was that I want to work alone, and I need privacy.
‘Oh, and if you’re thinking about when you have to make those confidential calls, don’t worry, you can send me out.’ He smiles. It’s as if he can read my mind.
‘Okay,’ I say slowly.
He wanders over to the coffee table, he seems oblivious to my reaction. Either he isn’t picking up on my lack of excitement – or he doesn’t want to.
‘We could live in this space, and never want for anything,’ he’s saying, arms open wide, encompassing his little world, the universe he’s created here for the two of us. ‘Imagine it, Hannah, I could work from home, and you could do a course. I remember you saying on our first date, you’d love to do a Masters in Social Work some day?’
I shift from one leg to the other. ‘Yeah, yeah I would, I’ve talked to Jas about it – but I’d do it while I work, the council might even pay for it.’
‘Darling, when we’re married and I become partner at my firm, you won’t need to work. And I’ll pay for any courses you might want to do, we don’t have to rely on the council.’
‘But there’d be no point in doing a Masters in Social Work if I wasn’t a social worker – and I love my job, I don’t want to leave.’ I feel slightly panicky at this.
‘Okay, whatever,’ he says dismissively. ‘So long as you know this is your sanctuary, I made it for you. I want you to be happy and have everything you need.’ He’s excited, exhilarated even, I’ve never seen him like this. ‘Look, I even had the walls painted in that blush pink you love.’ He runs his hands along the wall.
‘It’s lovely,’ I murmur, unable keep up with him. It’s all too much.
‘So?’
I look at him, slightly puzzled.
‘So, Hannah, will you move in with me?’
I don’t answer him, just gaze around the room.
‘If you want to totally redecorate, new kitchen, new anything – that’s fine with me. It will be your house too, Hannah. Hannah?’
I’m listening to him talk. He’s like a salesman, and he’s selling me the dream I’ve always yearned for: a home of my own, with someone who loves me. I think about our first date when we talked about children and dogs and white picket fences. And I believed him, in spite of Jas’s doubts I knew I could trust him, and he’s never wavered. He didn’t go cold, he’s never lost interest, and his passion and plans for our future are as strong as ever. And from the beginning I’ve longed to live with him in this beautiful home, my clothes in the wardrobes, my photographs on the walls. I’ve imagined summers watching roses bloom in the garden, Alex and I together in each other’s arms on long dark wintery nights safe and cosy in this lovely house. I’m still that foster child looking for her forever home, and I really thought I’d found it – but now… I’m not so sure.
Alex wanders over to the desks, sitting side by side. Two perfect desks. But all I can think is two perfect coffins.
‘And that’s not all,’ he’s saying. ‘I have a few other surprises for you. I was going to make them Christmas presents but was too excited to wait.’ He takes my hand and walks me over to the small sofa by the coffee table. On the table is a brochure for what looks like a very upmarket holiday company.
‘So, the yellow Labrador is on order, but before we collect him after Christmas – oh his name’s Kevin by the way, I had to give him a name so they can get his shots and everything, apparently vets need a name. I thought Kevin was quite funny.’
I nod slowly. I’d wanted a girl dog, I wanted to call her Rosie.
‘I thought you’d have been more excited, darling. Remember we talked about having a Labrador on our first date?’
‘Yes, but I would have liked to go and choose one – when