on my list for sure.”
“That I didn’t need to hear,” I said.
Mia laughed. “You brought it up.”
“I didn’t bring up his looks,” I said. “I was just making the point that I’m amazed he could do what he did for me. I panicked and called him. And he hurried to get on a plane and fly here. There are no big airports around here, Mia. That meant he flew into that little one…”
“Rich and famous,” Mia whispered.
“I. Know. That. I’m trying to process it. When he was in my bed last night, he-”
“Back up,” Mia said. “Sebastian was in your bed last night?”
“Yeah. He slept next to me.”
“In bed. With you.”
“Yes.”
“The drummer from Filthy Line was in your bed. And nothing happened?”
“That’s not how I see it,” I said. “It was my friend. Sebastian. Just like we used to do before.”
“I don’t know, Bree. I think you missed out on something special.”
“What? A one-night stand with him?”
“Yeah,” she said.
“With the both of us grieving. Sad. Confused. Because that wouldn’t cause any problems.”
“If you’re that close as friends, why not?” she asked.
“Okay, I can’t do this right now,” I said. “Plus, he’s gone. That’s it. He’s flying back to Los Angeles to handle the death of his band member. I have to keep facing my mother’s death. I just… I need a shower. Then we can leave. Okay?”
“I’m not going anywhere,” Mia said. “Do you mind if I take a minute to myself and think about Sab?”
She winked.
I didn’t respond.
She knew that made me jealous.
And she didn’t say it to be mean to me.
She said it to prove that it made me jealous.
Leaving me with the obvious question…
Why did it make me jealous to think of Sebastian with another woman?
The day passed by in a blur.
A slow blur even though time moved quickly.
It was just the small moments that hurt so bad.
I ran into two dozen people who wanted to express their condolences to me about my mother.
As it kept happening, I began to realize why people had services for loved ones they’d lost.
It would have been easier to just get it all over with in one shot.
It was too late for that.
The memorial was being set up.
And everything else was done.
Done… as in she was now contained in a small box.
That was it.
That was all I had of her.
I had a vivid memory as Jerry handed me the box of my mother’s ashes telling me that nobody needed to be afraid of dying. Because when we died, we became birds. And we could fly all around the world, for free, and do whatever we wanted.
I was pretty sure my mother wasn’t a bird, but then again… who knew what happened…
Jerry started to talk about urns and I let Mia take over the conversation.
I lost track of time. Of myself. Of everything.
Mia kind of guided me around.
Half the people I talked to about my mother, I didn’t remember what I said or did. All I could think about was that it was really the end for her. I debated on what to do with her ashes. Where to spread them, if anywhere at all. I thought about my birthday. Her birthday. About the holidays. I was about to embark on an entire year of firsts without her around. There was no question that my mother was loved. And that she was going to be missed.
I felt like screaming DUH! at everyone who said it.
By the time I got back to the apartment, I was angry.
There were more flowers outside the apartment door and I stomped on them.
“What are you doing?” Mia yelled at me.
“I can’t take anymore,” I said as my voice cracked.
Mia opened the door for me and I carried what was left of my mother into the apartment. I put the box on the dining room table behind the flowers.
Mia brought the fresh flowers to the table.
“I got you some chocolate and booze,” she said.
“You did what?” I asked.
“That’s what you wanted,” she said. “Right?”
“Well… yeah…”
“Stay right here,” she said. “It’s in the car. What kind of friend am I if I didn’t know what you really want?”
Mia left the apartment and I looked at the letter again.
Tonight was the night I was going to open it.
“I’m going to open it,” I said to Mia.
“You should,” she said.
“Are you okay staying here? This isn’t going to cause any problems?”
“No,” she said. “My marriage is just fine, Bree. I’m helping a friend. Stop making up problems when they’re not there.”
“I