T. I can tell those shoes are bothering your feet. It’s cold down here, and you don’t need to mess up that dress sitting on the ground,” I said logically, trying to disguise all emotion in my voice. Having her so close but not really touching her in the way I needed was hard, but not as hard as not having her at all.
She gave up the protest and accepted the offer of help. I doubt she realized it, but my stubborn mate even sighed and relaxed against my chest.
“You look beautiful tonight,” I whispered. “But what were you doing here?”
She cringed. “I was angry and upset. I took the job even though the pay sucks for this gig. I just wanted to prove to you that I could have been an asset to the team. To you,” she added in a barely audible whisper.
“You don’t think I already knew that?” I asked.
“Then why didn’t you want me on the team?” she asked.
I should have guarded my words. I should have stuck to the script I’d rehearsed in my head for this moment even though only a few hours ago I didn’t really think I’d ever get the chance, but I didn’t. I spoke from my heart like a bumbling idiot again.
“I always wanted you on the team,” I blurted out. “It would be absolutely everything to have you back in my life and working by my side.”
“You say that now, but…”
“There’s no but, T. You ran before I could explain and I’m so sorry. I knew you were upset, but I didn’t think you’d actually leave,” I said. I felt the gutting pain sear through me as I recalled those moments after I knew she’d abandoned me. “I came after you, but I wasn’t fast enough. I thought you went home. Until Cal got back from dropping you off at the airport, I had no idea,” I explained. “I didn’t take it seriously. I didn’t follow you fast enough. I couldn’t find you. I let you down, T. I’m sorry.”
She wiped at her eyes and I suspected she was crying.
“You didn’t let me down, I let you down. I was devastated when I found out you didn’t want me on the team, and I acted in anger. I didn’t know it would hurt so much to walk away from you.”
“Cole says it’s because our bond was unresolved.”
“You talked to Cole about this? About us?” she squealed.
“Wasn’t given much of a choice. They wanted to pull me off the mission,” I explained.
“But what does Cole have to do with that?”
“I guess you could say he is a bit of a specialist in unresolved bonds. They needed to know if I was suicidal before they agreed to let me stay on the team.”
“What? Of course you aren’t. Are you?”
I shrugged. “Not yet,” I said.
I could feel how much that thought upset her. “What’s that supposed to mean?” she demanded.
“Look, it doesn’t matter. I’m dealing with it,” I tried to assure her.
“Grant, what the hell does that mean?”
“Taylor, I’m fine,” I told her, I wanted to add, “especially now that you’re here,” but I didn’t dare.
“Why didn’t you tell me there was an opening on the team?” she asked, and I could hear the hurt in her voice.
“I was going to. I was so excited and almost accepted for you right on the spot. I couldn’t wait to tell you. It seemed like the perfect answer to everything, like another piece of our puzzle just clicked into place, and then you told me about your life in the Clan and how much you appreciated that I wasn’t trying to plan your life for you and demand you do things my way. I felt like such an ass. I told Patrick he would have to be the one to talk to you, that I just couldn’t risk you feeling like I was pushing you into my life. I never dreamed in a million years you’d ever think I didn’t want you. Of course I want you, T. I still do.”
She sighed. “Really? You were going to tell me the night I told you about my mom?”
I nodded without answering.
“Shit! I really blew things out of proportion, didn’t I?”
“No babe, you didn’t. Baine got confused because they were certain you were in after they initially told me and talked to the team about it. Everyone was cool with you coming on board. Then they told them it might not happen. He was just trying