and at first I thought it was for me, for the love I had lost. But then I realized it was for Gray. Because she had a long road ahead of her. Dating and a divorce were hard, especially with a kid. Not that I knew firsthand, but I had seen it plenty. I felt like I had seen everything, really. And not all of it was pretty.
I had been to see Phillip that morning before I got to work. Gray was real flexible about my hours, especially on days I went to see Phillip. His new doctor and I had worked real hard these past few months with him on his medicines, cutting back a little here, adding a little there, switching an old medicine for something newer and better. And, I swear, a part of him was coming back to me. His color was better. There was a little light in his eyes. The only drawback was that he flinched now when I tried to touch his hand. But he didn’t get mad. He was talking a tiny bit more. But the medicine was still enough to keep him from having those fits he had been prone to when something set him off. They didn’t bother me so much, but I knew the home wouldn’t—couldn’t—keep him there, so close to me, if he was violent. His condition wasn’t where I wanted it, but I got the feeling he wouldn’t be as good as he possibly could until I got him out. I was sure again now that I would. Someday. I smiled, thinking of the two of us rambling around in that boat, me cooking steamer pots and him helping me with simple kitchen tasks. He would be happy doing that work. I just knew he would.
It was Thursday again, and now that I had a place to live and a paycheck and a couple hundred dollars back in the bank, life was seeming better. It was summertime and the living was easy. I was meeting my girls for our regular night out, and as I eased myself into my normal seat at the Beach Pub, a big, salty margarita glass was waiting at my place. I sat down and said, “Thanks, y’all. You didn’t need to order for me.”
“We didn’t,” Janet whispered. Her eyes traveled across the bar, and mine followed. Sitting on one of the stools behind the rectangular bar was a man who looked vaguely familiar. Thick dark hair falling across his forehead; a neat button-down shirt, all clean and pressed, sleeves rolled up. I was about to be flattered that this man must’ve known who I was and bought me a drink even before I got there when my heart stopped. My eyes met his across the crowded room. I was too far away to be able to tell that they were that same navy blue they’d been all those years ago. But that wink? I’d have known that wink anywhere.
CHAPTER 8
gray: first-time feeling
When it rains, it pours. Diana was trying to keep me calm, but how could I be calm? We’d lost two midsize clients to a competing affiliate firm in the past week, I was behind on a proposal for a new A-client I was trying to snag, and my boy was coming home. It had felt like the longest three weeks of my life, but it was almost over. That was the best news in the world. Knowing he would be back any minute was like anticipating the first day of spring after a long, freezing winter.
All I could think about was the books we would read together, the long days at the pool, the time on the beach, dinners out, having all his little friends over, making s’mores. I absolutely could not wait. I wanted to make this the best summer ever for him.
Andrew had texted me earlier: Dinner?
When I hadn’t responded right away, he had added, Please?
I had seen him a couple more times after he showed up at my dock, and I was trying to tell myself that was enough. But in those quiet moments, all I wanted was more of him.
I had texted back: Crazy day at work and Wagner comes home day after tomorrow. Can I let you know tonight?
Sure. We could take the boat. Have a really special night. May have to be our last one for a while?
A question. I knew that Andrew wanted to ask me how everything was going to work when