for her to figure out what it was, but I heard her laugh for the first time in way too long. A surprised laugh that she couldn’t suppress.
I exaggerated the cuteness of the lyrics, hoping to make her laugh more. It worked.
She was still giggling when I finished.
“That was so random, but so perfect. I heard that one in a movie once and I always liked it.” Her laughter died down and I picked the phone up again.
“I thought you’d like that.”
She paused and I could hear her thinking.
“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t feel like shit about laughing, but I do.”
“You’re right, you shouldn’t. Maybe I’m not the only one who needs to learn the Serenity Prayer. You have to start accepting that you can’t change things, and you can’t take the blame for everything.”
“I know, I know.”
“So stop it,” I said. “Just stop.” My voice was sharp, but she needed to hear it. Everyone else would treat her delicately, but she wasn’t. She was tough and she needed someone to call her out on it.
“Are you being a dick again?”
“No, I’m just…I don’t want you to turn into this sad girl who stops living her life because she’s afraid of everything. You’re the girl who kissed me because you wanted to see what it was like to make out with a guy who had a lip ring. You’re the girl who faced her ex, and the girl who fought her mom for me. I can’t lose that girl.”
“That girl had a dad. I don’t know who I am anymore. That girl is gone and she’s not coming back.” I knew what she was saying was right, but I didn’t want it to be right.
“I just…I have to figure things out now. But I don’t want to figure them out alone. I want you to be there.” I didn’t say anything, because I was waiting for more.
“Not like how we first were. Just friends. No sex. I can’t deal with all that right now, but I’d like it if we could be friends. Do you think we could do that?”
No, we definitely couldn’t go back to being friends, not after everything. At least, I didn’t think I could. But, if it was being friends or not having her in my life, I’d take the agony of trying to be her friend.
“I think we can be friends.” She let out a breath I felt like she’d been holding for as long as she’d been talking to me.
“Good. I’d really like to be your friend.”
“I’ll try not to be a dick.”
“You can be a dick sometimes. Especially when I need it.” This was probably the absolute worst time, but I couldn’t go forward without telling her about Ric. Dick move, coming right up.
“Listen—”
She cut me off.
“I know that it’s going to be hard to go back. I mean, we started off in the wrong direction to be friends, but I would really like to try, but only if you want to. I don’t want you to feel obligated. You’ve already done so much for me.”
Shit. As quick as I’d gotten up the nerve to do it, that nerve had deserted me and it wasn’t coming back anytime soon.
“No, I want to be friends. Just friends.”
“Just friends.”
She told me she’d be coming back soon, that Kayla was going to stay with her mom for a while and Adam was going back to Africa. It wasn’t the best solution, but at least she could come back to school and start figuring out who she was now.
“So I guess I’ll see you soon, friend.”
“Goodnight, friend,” I said. “To be continued.”
“Dot, dot, dot,” she said and hung up.
Katie
There wasn’t much more I could do at home, and I was starting to go crazy. Everywhere, there were reminders of Dad. Pictures and tools and socks and even a basket of his laundry. Mom had cleaned most of it, but I still found things here and there. Behind the dryer, and in the dishwasher and on the shelves and randomly in my room.
He was everywhere and nowhere.
Kayla had her hands full with Mom, who went from a busy bee who wouldn’t stop moving to a sobbing mess who couldn’t do anything. I’d tried helping her, but I just didn’t have the knack for it. I wanted to tell her to stop crying because it made me uncomfortable. I wanted to tell her that she had to get her shit together because I was worried about her and I didn’t