moved into their new homes,” he answered. “It was the first thing we did before they moved their things in. I taught them, then walked them through it, so we all knew the home was safe.”
“Think about that. You could have shown up at any point in the last seven fucking years to teach me, and you chose not to. And Hasan never forced you to come, either. He didn’t even tell me about them. Does he even know you never came?”
Jabari didn’t answer, walking away and out of the cave. I was left exhausted, my rage leaking out once he was out of sight. I leaned against a wall in the cavern and slid down, tears in my eyes.
I lost my human family the day I was supposed to die. For four years, I craved everything Hasan offered me—this new family. They rejected me once, based on history I had no part in. They hurt me by being callous and mean about the revelation Hasan let my fiancé die. Finally, after seven damn years, they approached me, and I opened up, just like Hasan suggested. I was again throwing myself into the effort of being one of them and Hasan’s daughter. I was trying to be part of the world they loved so much.
And once again, I found myself against a brick wall I found to be insurmountable. I couldn’t climb it. I couldn’t change who I was to gain entry to the sanctuary beyond it. I couldn’t knock it down.
All I could do was scream until someone finally heard me, and just like last time, the gatekeeper refused to listen.
21
Chapter Twenty-One
I busied myself after drying my eyes, looking through what Jabari had brought with him into the mountains. Nothing for food, but that didn’t bother me. I’m sure we were all hungry, but if everything went to plan, we would have food in our stomachs soon enough. What he did have was rope, a fire-starting kit, more than a couple of knives, an extra folded black bag, and water. I took the water and checked it. He still had some left, so I took a sip. We could all handle dirty water out of streams and lakes without getting sick, but fresh, clean water was much better.
I didn’t keep track of the time they were gone. Heath came back first, which made me feel relieved. He didn’t seem happy, though, or comfortable.
“Where did he go? The rule was only one of us out of the cavern at a time.” Heath sniffed, his nostrils flaring. Then his eyes narrowed, obviously upset. “What happened?”
“We had an argument. Or I yelled at him until he decided he didn’t want to listen to it anymore.” I gave him a desperate look. “I don’t want to talk about it.”
“I…heard some of it,” he admitted. “I walked away as the volume rose. I didn’t want to intrude. I didn’t think he would leave.”
“I can handle being alone just fine,” I said with a snap Heath probably didn’t deserve from me.
“Yes, but he didn’t come find me and only one person out of the cave at a time was his rule,” Heath growled back.
I felt bad. “I’m sorry. He’s frustrating and…I don’t know how to deal with him. I should have just let Hisao come out here. I should have stayed out of all of this.”
“Would you have been happy with someone else coming out here? If I remember right, you wanted to help fix this because you felt guilty. You and many others were worried this was some form of backlash over last year.” He shoved his hands into his pockets, which didn’t make him seem as relaxed as he probably wanted it to. He seemed tense.
“This entire trip has been about me and my problems…You’re right. I wanted this and would have felt…worthless if I hadn’t come out and helped when I could.”
“It’s fine. When we met, everything was about me and my problems,” he reminded me, a small smile breaking out. “I’m just glad to get to know you.”
“And I still know so little about you.”
This time, he shrugged. “Maybe next time.”
“Har har,” I said, reaching out to slap his abdomen lightly. He dodged, quickly grabbing my wrist, and tried to pull me to him. I put my heels down and held to my spot, refusing to budge.
“Stubborn.”
“Look in a mirror,” I countered. He started to laugh, nodding.
“If we survive this, I’ll start telling you about myself; your turn to play twenty