now.
“That isn't what I meant. Why are you so sure I want a divorce? I haven't agreed to that. I haven't said anything at all about that.”
She laughed bitterly at him outside the airlines terminal. “Don't be ridiculous. I've hardly seen you for the last four months, you never even come home at night, and you expect me to stay married to you? You must take me for an even bigger fool than I am.” Besides which he had caused damage which she suspected could never be repaired.
“You're not the fool, Faye, I am.”
“I completely agree with you. But this is neither the time nor the place to discuss it.” She looked at him with immeasurable irritation. “I really don't know why in hell you came along.”
“To see Anne … and talk to you … it's been so long, Faye …”
“That's not my fault.”
“I know that. It's mine.” He seemed perfectly willing to take the blame. As though he had come to his senses at last. But it was too late. For both of them.
She looked at him skeptically now. “What happened, did your little soap-opera nurse call it quits this morning when I walked in on you in your office?”
“No. As a matter of fact, I called it quits with her.” More or less. She had left in a rage because he said he was going to San Francisco with Faye, and he had told her he'd talk to her about it when he got back. But he had every intention of telling her it was over between them, whether Faye wanted to stay married to him or not. She was twenty-two years old, and he was beginning to feel ridiculous with her. It was all over. It had been foolish and insane, but it was what he had needed at the time. What he needed now was Faye. He knew now that he always had, yet she had been so locked in her own pain that he couldn't reach her anymore. They had had nothing to give each other for a short time, yet all he wanted now was another chance—if she'd listen to him, but she was showing no sign of it now. She had hailed a cab, yanked open the door, and was staring at him.
“Are you coming, Ward?”
“Did you hear what I said? I told you, it's over with that girl.”
“I don't give a damn.”
“Fine. Just so you know where we stand.”
“And just so you know where we stand, Ward, we stand finished. Over. Finito. Through. Is that completely clear?” She gave the driver the address and sat back against the seat.
“I don't happen to agree with you.”
She was so furious she wanted to punch him, but she had to restrain herself. She attempted to lower her voice so the driver wouldn't hear, and went on arguing with him. “You've got one hell of a fucking nerve. For half a year, you abandon us, shit all over me, and make a fool of yourself with a girl almost thirty years younger than you are, and now magnanimously you decide to come back. Well, go fuck yourself, Ward Thayer. I want a divorce.” She saw the driver glance in the rearview mirror, and Ward took no notice of him.
“I want to be married to you.”
“You're a sonofabitch.”
“I know I am. But we've been married for twenty-one years and I don't want to quit now.”
“Why not? You had no trouble quitting five months ago.” But they both knew why. The shock of Lionel had been too great for him. She had always known it would be, and she felt a stirring of compassion for him now.
“You know what that was all about.”
“That's no excuse for walking out on me.”
“I had no other way to prove my masculinity again.”
“That's a miserable excuse.”
“But it happens to be true.” He stared out the window and then back at her again. “You'll never know what that did to me.”
“And now? Are you going to punish him again?”
“I'm grateful that he found Anne.” But his voice told its own tale.
“But you'll never forgive him, will you?”
“I can never forget what he is.”
“He's your son, Ward. And mine.”
“It's different for you.”
“Maybe. But I love him anyway. He's an extraordinary young man.”
Ward sighed. “I know that … I don't know what I feel anymore. I've been hurting and confused for so long, it's not easy to sort out now … and there's Anne….” Faye frowned, thinking of what Lionel had said. She wondered if