what Gavin had), I would assume I’m coming down with something.
I’m not sick, physically anyway. Perhaps love-sick. Or just sick in the head.
With jittery hands, I pull out my phone, hesitating. For the first time since we’ve become friends, I don’t want to talk to Abby about this. Whether it’s because of her relationship with Zane, or something else, I just can’t.
I remember Sam’s offer to talk, and how I brushed her off so quickly on the morning of my birthday. She was right. We all do take for granted the fact that she actually is trusted for her advice.
Sam gets hundreds or thousands of emails every week, so many that she has an assistant, Taylor, who helps her go through them all. Even so, Sam replies to them all, even the ones that don’t make it online. She has her degree in psychology and had planned to get her master’s. If not for Dr. Love, she’d be on the path to being a relationship and sex therapist.
I don’t have time to wait for an email, and I feel too ashamed to just call Sam. So, I type out a text. Probably the longest one of my life, breaking all the texting rules. I don’t have time for rules.
Sam will know it’s from me, but it helps to pretend like I’m just some anonymous letter-writer.
Zoey: Dear Dr. Love, I need your help. I’ve fallen for my boss. And it’s even more complicated than that. He’s much older. And I recently found out he has a daughter he didn’t even know about. I didn’t dream of being a mom. I always thought I’d be someone who worked hard, fell in love, and just had a husband to love. That would be enough. Now, I’m in this weird situation. He’s paying me to be his nanny and I’m on a trip with them at his family home, meeting his parents. It’s like he went from being a fantasy to us being like an instant family. Tonight, he kissed me, which complicated it even more. I’m panicking and freaking out and don’t know what to do. Can you offer any advice? Sincerely, Tangled up in Texas
It’s the longest text I’ve ever composed, and I hit send before I change my mind or try to edit my words. The whole thing is silly. But it was easier to be honest while pretending I’m someone else, a stranger who really just needs Dr. Love’s unbiased advice.
I stare down at the phone, waiting. Hoping. My stomach sinks as the moments go by.
There’s no warning before a text pops up. Sam must have a different kind of phone than I do, because there was no indication that she was even typing a message.
Sam: Dear Tangled, Wow! That is a truly complicated situation. I can only imagine how confused you’re feeling.
Sam: The thing about love is that it’s never easy. There isn’t one simple path, or a clear trajectory all the time. If it feels easy, either it’s not love, or there is something just waiting to surprise you, for good or for bad.
I read the texts, again and again, knowing that she’s probably typing something else while I wait. The band of tightness around my chest loosens.
Sam: There are two things you need to know. The first is how you feel. It seems like the future with this man might include things that weren’t on your life plan. Are you okay with that? Would you want to co-parent his child if it came to that? Are you okay with the age difference? Ultimately, that should only matter to you. Not society, or meddling twin brothers.
I smile at that, feeling the shine of tears in my eyes. I don’t bother to wipe them away, letting them roll down my face. It feels like letting go, and I need, desperately, to let go.
It doesn’t remove the difficulty of the situation though. Because while it may ultimately matter just to me and Gavin about the age difference, I know that it will matter to my dad. I’ve always been his little girl. I’m used to making him proud. Just thinking about him makes some of that tension return.
Sam: The second thing you need to know is how he feels. And I urge you to think about how YOU feel first, even if it leads to heartbreak later. Because if you find out how he feels first, it could convince you to want to co-parent his child when you don’t. It