week at Mom’s.
There was no immediate reply, and I put the phone down on the nightstand, trying to ignore the swirl of disappointment in my stomach. Michael was not obligated to text with me at night. We weren’t boyfriend and girlfriend. Hell, we weren’t anything. Why did recognition of that fact make me feel so sad?
19
Virge in Lavender
Michael
I waited a long time to respond to Addie’s text. Longer than I wanted to, and that was the whole problem. Seeing her note—knowing she was thinking of me at night, feeling like a kid with a crush—all of it was wrong. Shelly was threatening to take the one thing that made my life make sense, and if I let myself think about any of what I wanted with Addie, I was putting everything at risk. I couldn’t afford to get distracted. I wouldn’t get myself into a situation where I was putting my son any place other than first in my list of priorities. If I let myself become infatuated, if I nursed this misplaced desire I was starting to realize I had for Addie, I might end up failing at the only thing I was managing to do right in my life.
Addie was like a bright spot that had appeared in an otherwise dark sky. I’d wandered through the murk for years, doing what was expected and doing everything in my power to be a good father to my son, because that was all that mattered. But now there was Addie, and some whisper in the back of my mind saying that maybe she mattered to me too, even if she wasn’t supposed to. Telling me that maybe I wanted her too, even if I couldn’t have her.
The time we’d spent together so far had been special to me, even though most of it had been focused on cleaning up an old house. There was something about her, something that made me want to be near her, learn more of what went on in her head. And it was the most interesting thing I’d encountered in a long time. I didn’t want to give her up.
I picked up my phone.
Michael: Haven’t been by today but I’ll check progress tomorrow. You doing okay?
Addie: Mom is a lot.
Michael: I can imagine. And I mean that in the nicest way possible.
Addie: I’ll survive. But when choosing between ghostly shrieking and Mom’s questions and judgment, I’m pretty sure ghosts win.
Michael: That’s saying something.
Addie: It would probably be hard for anyone to live at home again at 35. Plus, she liked Luke and keeps suggesting I try to work things out with him.
I paused. I hadn’t considered that Addie might be thinking of going back to her ex. An unwanted churn of jealousy erupted in my gut.
Michael: Are you considering it?
Addie: Definitely not. Turns out I have a shred of self-respect left.
The jealousy fizzled out.
Michael: Good.
Addie: ?
Crap. I realized I had no say at all in what she did, and offering an opinion about her ex was probably the wrong way to go.
Michael: I just mean that I think you deserve better.
Addie: That’s nice.
Did she not believe me?
Michael: There’s something about you. You’re special. Don’t take anything less than you deserve.
I cringed after hitting send, wondering if I’d said way too much. There was a significant pause, and my stomach twisted. Definitely too much.
Then, after a full five minutes:
Addie: Thank you. That means a lot to me. I have similar advice for you, you know.
I wasn’t sure what to make of that, but decided I’d already put myself out there enough for one night.
Michael: I’ll talk to you tomorrow.
Addie: Good night.
I did talk to the contractors the following day, and learned that we could be in the house again after the floors had a full four days to dry and set. I texted Addie to let her know we could move back in on Friday.
I spent the week at the store, sneaking back to my workshop when I could. I was building a few things for the house, things I probably shouldn’t have bothered with. But Addie was on my mind, and while maybe I needed to avoid thinking of her in the attractive-woman-I-had-interest-in kind of way, I could think of her in the friend-I-wanted-to-do-something-nice-for kind of way. No harm in that, right?
On Thursday, I arrived at work to find Emmet and Virgil behind the counter, and the whole place scented like a bath and body shop and not a farm supply store. This stunk, and