the urge to get the Sunday newspaper from the driveway, and even harder at keeping the conversation with Hargrave from ringing in his head.
He would keep his unspoken promise to Carly not to ignore her on his days at home. He’d done that to his family before. It had been the source of friction in his marriage ever since the girls were born. In the beginning his passion for the work, that he was good at what he did, that he was respected, was a source of pride for his wife.
After the girls were born, he hadn’t changed. He’d gotten them through the pregnancy and the postpartum by working only eight-hour days and sneaking computer time on the weekends. But at three months, the twins went to Elsa for day care and once he dropped them off, he reentered the news world. Maybe it was subconscious, the pleasure he got from it, the demands and the people and the streets. It was the only thing he did well, and without saying it, he knew it defined him.
But his wife did change. Her priorities became different. He kept claiming that he understood the mothering instinct and all. He talked a good talk about sharing as a family and how he knew how important it was for him to be part of the equation, but failed to show it. That lack of action was the reason Julie and the girls were riding alone that night, touring the Christmas lights without him. He was out doing death when it came to visit his own family.
“Why does the redhead always have to play the ditzy one?” he asked Carly, who was lying back against his legs, using them as a chair back.
“They can’t change every week,” she said in that Duh? voice so popular in her age group. “The dumb one is the dumb one, Dad. It’s preordained.”
He laughed. “Preordained? Geesh, kid. Is that the fifth-grade word of the week or what?”
“No. I read it,” Carly said, being coy.
“In what did you read it?” Nick tried to match her.
“I think it was in Messenger.”
“Good book.” Nick had introduced her and Lindsay to the tales of Lois Lowry. The next year they were assigned by her teacher.
“OK. So what does it mean, preordained?” he said, still teasing.
Carly was silent and he could only see the back of her head against his knees. He poked her in the ribs. She elbowed him.
“Huh? What does it mean?”
“It means that everything that happens is already supposed to happen,” she said and Nick could hear the clip of anger in her voice. “If people are going to die, they die. And there’s nothing you can do about it.”
He let it sit for a minute, silently cursing himself for setting a semantics trap that had hurt her and that had bitten him back.
“Maybe that’s what that specific word means, baby. But that’s not the way it is,” Nick said, with authority, because he believed it.
Carly did not sniffle, did not even clear her voice. She simply remained silent while Nick stroked her hair.
“See?” she finally said, pointing her finger at the television screen. “The blond one is the smart one.”
When the program was done, Carly got up and put her dishes in the sink and reminded her father that today her friend Jessica was having a birthday party and that he would have to drop her off in an hour.
Nick must have looked quizzically at her and she read his face and put a hand on her hip, just like her mother used to do to him.
“It’s on the board, Dad. We talked about it on Wednesday, and you said fine, so we’ve got to be there by eleven.”
“Right, right, right. You got it, babe. I didn’t forget,” Nick said, knowing she knew he’d forgotten. He tried to smile his way out of it. “Jessica’s it is. Her mother’s name is Ro. Her brother is Tyler. Her dad is Bob.”
Carly frowned a frown that was filled with sarcasm but included that small twinkling humor in her eye.
“That would be correct, Dad,” she said and he again marveled at her ability to be so damned quick and grown-up. Fast on the draw, just like her mom.
At ten thirty Carly was dressed and waiting by the door with a small wrapped present in her hands. Nick felt himself hustling to find his car keys. When they arrived in Jessica’s neighborhood, he remembered exactly where to turn. He was trying to impress Carly,