his head and led her outside to the awaiting car. Side by side in the backseat, tension radiated off him. Just as she was about to demand an answer for his mood, he turned toward her.
"You bought that guy a drink." Shadows cut across his face, only relieved by the occasional streetlight.
Jealousy? After everything? "I bought him the drink on behalf of Nicole. The purpose for tonight was to get her laid. What's the deal?"
His shoulders slumped, but his jaw tensed as he turned his head toward the window. After a beat, he shook his head, but wouldn't meet her gaze. "I guess it made me think of your tactics from before we started seeing each other. You going to clubs, watching." His jaw clenched more. "The men you might've picked to go home with."
Was this a safety thing or jealousy? She couldn't change anything about her time before him, and didn't want to. Those experiences led her here, made her appreciate what she and Noah had even more. "In case you hadn't noticed, I'm going home with you."
Without warning, he reached out and clasped her hand, squeezing. Still, his gaze trained away as they wove through the dark, snowy streets. They'd laid all their secrets bare, had nothing between them anymore. She didn't understand his mood.
When he finally turned to look at her, her heart pounded at the raw intensity in his eyes. His gaze roamed her face, taking all of her in as he decided something. He opened his mouth twice before he actually spoke.
"Your preferences, have they changed? Is this relationship??nough for you?" His voice was hoarse and riddled with regret. His eyes were a scary mix of determination, hope, and pleading.
Where was this coming from? Noah was the furthest thing from insecure. Their friendship had laid the groundwork for the steady foundation they had together. Hadn't she opened herself to him? Given him everything?
His fingers tightened around hers. "You let me do anything with your body, but your heart's not completely engaged. Something's holding you back."
He wasn't wrong in that observation. He was so very right. It shamed her, because he was giving his all and she was holding a piece of herself back. She trusted him, wanted what came next in their path, was trying to get them there, but just couldn't bring herself over that last threshold. She didn't even know what to do to breach the small gap, as she couldn't put her finger on what was off.
Maybe they'd jumped too fast. Perhaps the outside danger was clouding her reasoning. But she had a sinking suspicion it was a default on her end. No rationale or excuse would fit, because she was just??rong. She'd formed attachments in her life, loved a precious few people like Nicole and her mom, yet something always seemed missing. Not right inside her, like she'd been constructed incorrectly.
Honestly, she loved with her head, not her heart. And she didn't think something like that could be fixed.
Noah inhaled sharply and closed his eyes, drawing her gaze back to him. "Stay, Raven." He slowly opened his eyes and worked a swallow. "Stay with me."
"I??m." Guilt tore at her stomach. He deserved so much better than she could offer. After everything he'd endured, dammit, he deserved everything. But for some reason, he wanted her. "I'm here. And you're enough. More than enough."
The half lie tasted sour in her mouth. At some point, he'd have to move on when he realized she was lacking the one thing he desired most--love. Everything he'd ever loved had been taken from him. He deserved the chance to build a family.
Back at the condo, he headed straight for the bedroom, still holding her hand. Without a word, he stripped her out of her clothes, then shed his and pulled the blankets down on the bed. He sat on the edge of the mattress and motioned for her.
She stepped over to him. He took her by the waist, turned her so her back was to him, and eased her down to sit on his thighs. The light dusting of hair on his chest brushed her back when she leaned into him. His arms came around her instantly, pulling her closer as his chin dropped to her shoulder. The solid feel of him around her comforted, shoving aside her earlier thoughts, so all that remained was them.
He kissed her neck. "I bought something for you." He reached into the bedside drawer and pulled out a black pouch, handing