sneak around to an audition.”
“And maybe, just maybe, the same grace extends to you? Your wife was asking you to be something you’re not, to give up your soul. How is that possibly okay?”
“Knowing that, maybe even believing it, changes nothing. I gave up the cello—not that my intended sacrifice mattered because I couldn’t play anymore even if I’d chosen to. And she kicked me to the curb, anyway. She blamed the alcohol, but that was an excuse. It was already over between us that weekend I came up here to the cabin. And now, here I am, back at the scene of the crime.”
“Do you hate me for dragging you here?”
The silence is long enough to be an answer in itself. “This is good for Allie,” he says when he finally speaks. “I see that. And for my sister. It was selfish of me to stay away, unforgivable to keep Allie from her. So I ought to thank you for that.”
Phee looks up at the stars, wondering which ones got crossed to put her at odds with the one man in the world who has ever held her heart. If he doesn’t hate her, at the very least he must resent her intrusion and meddling.
“What will you do now?” she asks.
He shrugs. “We’re all here now. Might as well press on.”
“I thought it might help you remember.”
“Maybe there’s a reason for not remembering, did you think of that? Generally when people block out memories, they aren’t happy ones.”
“If it heals your hands—”
“It won’t! You need to let that hope go, Phee. It’s too late.”
“Well, maybe you could at least let go of some guilt. Jo says you blame yourself for her husband’s death, but he had a heart attack. That can’t be your fault.”
“I hit him.” Braden turns to face her. “I keep having this flashback. The two of us are outside by the lake. He’s sitting by a fire in the firepit, and out of nowhere, I punch him in the jaw. I keep seeing that one moment on repeat, like one of those obnoxious internet GIF things. Over and over and over. And every time, I feel so sick I want to puke.”
“It’s not like you were beating up on a woman or a child—”
“I’ve never been in a fight, Phee. Not before or since, on account of my hands. I’d never thrown a punch in my life. It doesn’t take much of a detective to put together the evidence. Me, pissed off enough to punch him. And then, mysteriously, he winds up dead. Whatever memory you’re dragging me back to isn’t going to make Allie’s life better. Or mine, or Jo’s.”
“But you’re coming to the cabin, anyway?”
He answers with another question. “You know what Allie said? She said she changed her mind about dying and tried to call for help because she didn’t want her death to be a lie. I guess I don’t want the rest of my life to be a lie. And if there’s the tiniest chance that there is some impossible curse, and that remembering will give me back my hands and that will help my daughter, then that’s what I need to do.”
“You’re a good man, Braden.”
“And you’re a manipulative wench, you and your Angels.”
“None of them know. The plan was to take you and Allie to a cabin in the woods somewhere. They all thought it would be a pleasant escape. I didn’t tell them which cabin, or why. So don’t blame them, whatever you do.”
The door of the house opens, and Jo emerges onto the porch. Celestine bounds over to sniff her, tail wagging up a windstorm. “Am I interrupting?”
“Not at all,” Braden says, the relief in his voice a knife thrust in Phee’s heart.
Jo crosses the yard to join them. “The old man loves you, you know.”
“Clearly,” Braden says.
“He’s worse since Mom died.”
“I’m sorry I wasn’t here for that. And grateful that you take care of him.”
“We’re all each other has, with Jimmy gone off to college.”
“God,” he says. “I’m so sorry, Jo. About Mitch—”
“Maybe if you’d let that go, I wouldn’t have to lose you both.”
“I didn’t mean—”
“I know, honey,” she says. She crosses to him and puts her arms around him. Phee goes back to the house and starts organizing everybody for the next stage of the journey.
Chapter Thirty-Four
BRADEN
Exhausted as he is, there is no sleep for Braden. A sense of heavy dread keeps his eyes open while his brain churns endlessly through the disconnected pieces