Escaping Parker - F.T. Zele Page 0,18
my plate and begins to fill it as well. “Sit down, it must have been a rough day for you, sitting at your computer at home all day. Don’t do too much.” Where is this all coming from?
He drops a heaping plate in front of me. Food spills all over the table, and I startle. I grab my fork, staying silent, because I just don’t know what to say, or if there is anything I can say to make him feel better. He pulls his chair out roughly, and sits down. When he takes his first bite of food, that’s when shit hits the fan.
“It’s fucking cold!” he yells.
With one swipe of his hand he clears the table, sending everything crashing to the floor. Food spatters everywhere, broken ceramic and glasses litter the floor. I sit there stunned, unable to move. It’s the first time he scares me.
Once his point is made, he pushes his face close to mine, his breath laced with liquor. “Get this shit cleaned up.” He storms off, slamming the door behind him.
In total state of shock, I sit there and let the tears fall freely.
“Parker,” Rig gently says.
“What? Yeah I’m fine.” I shake myself from my former nightmarish life.
“Look, I’m sorry if I come off rude. I just have never been tested. I’ve done this for a long time, and I know what I’m doing. You need to trust that I can handle this, or this isn’t going to work.”
I shove a forkful of food in my mouth. “Don’t drop my food in front of me again. That’s what Steven used to do.” I let the last part come out quietly, feeling ashamed that something so small could trigger the past.
“I didn’t know. The last thing I want to do is scare you, or hurt you,” he says honestly.
“I know, I know.” I continue to eat because I have to keep up my strength, and I don’t want to talk anymore.
After our silent meal, I get up and stretch a little, ready to call it a night.
“Where are we sleeping?” I ask.
“Well, not together, of course. Follow me, I’ll show you to your room.” He has a sly smile on his face, and just like that, he makes my anger disappear.
“You know your way around here, and Alice seems to know you well. How long have you known each other?”
He ignores my question and opens a door at the end of a short hallway. “This is where you’ll be staying. I know it’s not anything fancy, but it’s a place you can lay your head and feel safe.” He turns to leave and stops like he wants to say something, but then changes his mind.
Knowing I’m not going to get anywhere with him tonight on the meaning of this place, I lock the door and dig through the bag, searching for something to sleep in.
Fresh white linens are folded at the foot of the bed, so I put them on. The second my body hits the bed, it gives off a loud creak and dips low to the ground.
I’m uncomfortable, not wanting to make a move and have that noise continue, staring at the ceiling for what seems like forever, like I’m waiting for something to happen. It’s so unnerving, and makes me think of all the times I would lie awake waiting for Steven to come home, never knowing what kind of mood he was in. Or if that night was going to be the night he finally made good on his promises. My heart would beat shallow, and get swallowed up by my chest. Everyone always uses the phrase the elephant in the room. Well, that elephant lived on my chest, making every breath I took harder and harder to take.
I get up, needing a change because the memories are starting to take over. I find myself taking deep breaths, my breathing now erratic.
I peek my head out the door before I make my way out, needing to pace these floors for a while and try to calm down my anxiety. Sometimes the panic attacks are just as bad as the actual events. There’s no way to control them; they come when they want, crippling me to the point where I feel like I am fighting a strong current, trying get my head above water for one breath. My heart races as the adrenaline surges through my veins, throughout my body and down to my toes.
While I walk laps in the living room,