was,” I agree.
“Even through seven years of marriage?”
“Nope, never.”
“Wow. And you never said anything?”
“Ask me something different. We didn’t really have that kind of relationship.” I snuggle up under the blankets, pressing my body against his, enjoying the way the hard lines meld against me.
“Okay, so if you weren’t able to talk to him, why did you stay with him?”
“That’s the burning question,” I sigh. “The one that everyone keeps asking. It’s simple, really.” I shrug. “Holly. Holly is why I stayed.”
“What do you mean? She’s not his.”
“No. But if I left, he wouldn’t support her. And she’s going to a private school. I want her to get into a good college to get away from here. Or there,” I gesture, thinking of the small town.
“Uh-huh.” He watches me carefully.
“I want my child to be taken care of. Is that so bad?” I ask, feeling defensive under his gaze.
“No, it’s not a bad thing; it’s a natural thing. Is that the only reason you stayed?”
“Well, it’s part of it.” I run my hands over his chest, unable to meet his eye.
“What’s the other part?”
“Fear,” I whisper. “I was afraid to leave because I didn’t think he would ever let me go.”
“What did he do, Diana?” he asks.
I lie in silence, tracing the lines of his body.
“It was just a lot of things,” I whisper, pressing my face against him.
“Come on, you can tell me.”
“Oh, he’d yell, scream, throw things…” I pause, unsure how to talk about it.
“And what else?” he probes gently, his hand tracing up and down my spine, relaxing me.
“Jake, I think you know the answers to all your questions,” I whisper.
“I know what everyone else thinks. But I want to hear it from you.”
“He hit me. Often.” My throat tightens. “There was one day I came home from the gym, and he was angry that I had gone out. ‘Why did I go to the gym and wear something so revealing?’ I was in a tank top and running shorts,” I whisper. “‘Did I have any idea how foolish I was making him look right now? Was I whoring myself out at the gym, meeting up with a secret lover? Was I sneaking around behind his back, betraying him and everything that he’s worked for?’”
“Christ,” Jake murmurs.
“Yes. That’s why I keep my hair short,” I say, reaching down and stroking the silky bob.
“What do you mean?”
“It was during that fight that he grabbed me by it and pulled me up the stairs.”
“Are you fucking serious?”
“Yes. It was a horrible marriage, but I stayed because I was afraid. I was too weak to go.”
“I don’t think you were weak, Diana. He was first.”
“I really was,” I sniffle, feeling silly. “Any other woman would have left, wouldn’t they? They wouldn’t have stayed in an abusive situation just because they were scared.”
“Lots of women stay in abusive relationships because they’re scared,” he argues. “That doesn’t make them weak or stupid. It makes them human. Anyone who says differently is an asshat, and I’ll tell them so. Now, you tell me if anyone so much as implies that you’re a coward or a bad example to other women, and I swear to God, I’ll knock them flat on their ass. I don’t care who they are,” he says, and I smile. “You’re very sweet and very honest. Do you have any idea how many women deal with domestic violence?” He lifts my chin and turns me to face him.
“No,” I frown at him, wondering where this is going.
“One in four women experience severe physical violence. One in four,” he repeats, staring down at me. “That’s an average of nearly 20 people a minute being physically abused in the United States. Do you have any idea how many men and women that is?” he asks.
“No.”
“Millions,” he answers, “Millions every year, going through what you went through. Do you think all those millions of people are weak and cowardly?”
“No,” I whisper as I press my face into his shoulder, trying not to cry.
“You aren’t weak, either. Allow yourself the grace that you give others. Diana, you do so much for people. You’re so gentle and kind. I don’t know that I’ve ever met anyone more perfect than you are.”
“Oh, Jake,” I whisper. “I wish I could see that.”
“I wish you could too,” he says, pressing his lips to my forehead.
“The difference, though, between me and those women, Jake...They left their abusers. I didn’t leave mine. He was arrested for something else,” I choke,