but now did know, and knowing was eating a hole through his heart. Nicky hadn’t consented to Dooley spilling his past, even if he hadn’t really. Even if Cy had simply deduced what it meant.
Nicky had put the bad things in a box and locked it away. That’s what he’d said. He said it was how he pretended to be a normal, functional adult. It was how he coped with his past. Was Cy really about to rip the lid off Nicky’s box and spill all of that out for him to try to pick up?
“Cy?” Nicky questioned. “Why wouldn’t I be okay?”
“He just said a lot of things,” Cy mumbled. “He threatened you.”
Nicky laughed, a delighted cackle. “That motherfucker better never try to come at me. I’m not the helpless victim I used to be. Out here, I have the edge.”
Cy swallowed the lump in his throat. “He didn’t sound like he was preparing to fight fair.”
Once more, the sound of a chair creaking, and then Nicky’s voice sounded closer, like he was leaning into the phone. “Cy, what’s wrong? This can’t just be because Dooley made some threats? He’s old. He’s scared. He thinks you’re going to huff and puff and blow his house down.”
Cy was speaking before he could stop himself. “He said something…about you…and him…when you were little.” Fuck. What was he doing? “Did… Nicky, did he… Fuck, did he hurt you?”
Nicky’s voice went frigid. “What did he say?”
“It was more what he implied,” Cy admitted.
There was a sound like a forceful exhale or maybe a choked sob. “Fucking bastard,” Nicky muttered before saying, “It doesn’t matter. It was a long time ago.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?” Cy asked, his voice harsher than intended.
This time when Nicky answered, his voice was thick with tears. “Why didn’t I tell you what, Cy? That the abuse continued after you went to jail? That my mom tortured me and Dooley helped? That he hurt me? Touched me in ways no adult ever should have? What good does that do any of us now? Does it change things between you and me? Am I somehow tainted now somehow?”
Nicky’s words were like a bullet shredding his heart. “What? No. Of course not,” Cy said in a harsh whisper. “Don’t ever think that. I just… I feel…helpless. Angry. I wanted to rip his fucking throat out and watch him choke on his own blood.”
Nicky sniffled, sounding soothed by Cy’s venomous words. “That’s why I didn’t tell you. Because you will always do whatever you can to protect me, and I can’t have you risking yourself for me once you're on the outside. You have already missed out on so much because of me. I knew you wouldn’t let this one go.”
Nicky was right, clearly. He wanted Dooley dead. He wanted anybody who’d ever wronged Nicky to suffer, to pay for their sins. “He shouldn’t get to walk away from this.”
“Life isn’t fair. I accepted that years ago. The things that happened to me when I was a kid… I’ve made peace with them. Now, I just want a life with you and Rosie. I want a world where you and I get to be happy.”
Cy closed his eyes, leaning his head against the metal of the booth. “I want that, too. So much.”
“Then you have to leave Dooley to me.” Nicky’s words were like a bucket of ice water over his head.
“What?” Cy said, brain trying to keep up with the sudden shift in the conversation. “What does that mean?”
“I can’t say anything over this line. You know that. Everything’s recorded. Just know it’s all going to be okay. I love you. You know that, right? I’ll talk to you soon.”
“I love you, too. Please, don’t do anything stupid or dangerous,” Cy said, but there was no response. “Nicky?”
But he was gone. Cy felt sick. He set the phone in its cradle and made his way back to his cell. Why the fuck had he ever opened his mouth? Fuck.
Webster pounded his fist on the door with enough force to rattle it in its frame. A dog barked from somewhere off in the distance, and there was a brand new Dodge pick-up truck in the rutted dirt path that served as the driveway, but there was no other indication anybody was home to hear Webster’s angry knocking.
Dooley no longer lived in the two bedroom double wide trailer Webster remembered from his childhood. He’d traded it out for a large cabin and a