Birdie knew, which probably meant half the town knew as well.
Wouldn’t it be fun to get dressed up and go somewhere nice for a change? Somewhere quiet where no one would disturb them. The more she thought about it, the more excited Mia got about the idea.
But when she suggested it to Josh that evening as they cleaned up the dinner dishes, his expression grew pinched and his lips pressed together in a thin, flat line. She could tell immediately that she’d asked for too much.
He raked a hand through his hair and dropped his gaze to the floor. “I’d rather not. If it’s all right with you.”
Clearly she’d underestimated his aversion to going out. Why hadn’t she realized before how bad it was for him? When Andie had called him a recluse, Mia had assumed she was joking. But this was no joke. Not if he looked this upset at the mere prospect of going to a restaurant.
Worry tugged at her gut, but she tried to put on a cheerful face. “Of course it’s all right.” Her fingers smoothed over the front of his shirt. “We don’t have to. It was just an idea.”
He seemed almost painfully relieved. “Thank you.” His gaze darted away from her and he cleared his throat. “For understanding.”
Impulsively, she wound her arms around him, resting her chin on his shoulder. “It’s all right,” she said, although it didn’t seem all right. It felt like something much bigger and more serious than she knew how to handle.
His hand cupped the back of her neck. “You’re disappointed. You wanted to go.”
“Not that bad.” Not enough to make him this unhappy. “It’s really fine.”
He turned his head and kissed her hair. “I’ll make it up to you. We’ll do something else special.”
Her throat tightened. She felt like she had to say something. “Have you ever…talked to anyone?”
“What do you mean?” His whole body had tensed up like he was expecting a blow to the stomach.
She clasped her hands behind his back, refusing to let him move even an inch farther away. When she spoke, she tried to make her voice as gentle as possible. “Like a therapist.”
His chest expanded and contracted against hers with short, shallow breaths. Angry breaths. “I don’t need therapy.” His voice sounded oddly flat and quiet.
Mia resisted her instinctive urge to drop the subject in order to smooth things over. As much as she hated conflict, and as hard as it was for her to speak up, this was too important. She couldn’t say nothing. “I think you might have agoraphobia.”
Josh’s hands dropped to his sides. He unwound her arms and stepped away from her, pacing to the other side of the kitchen. He stood with his back to her, staring out the window. “It’s not a phobia.” The words came out sounding like they’d been dragged over sharp rocks. “This isn’t some irrational fear. You think I haven’t tried to forget about it and move on? I’d love to. But people can’t seem to let me do that. Not when it’s so much fun to rub my humiliation in my face. Therapy isn’t going to change that.”
Maybe not, but it might help him cope with it. Mia opened her mouth to say that, but he spoke again before she had the chance.
“I’m fine, okay? I promise.” He turned around, his jaw set and his mouth hard. “I don’t want you to worry about me. That’s not your job.”
It felt like a warning. Josh’s way of setting a boundary. Telling her how far she was permitted to push. It was fine to spend all this time together, but his mental well-being wasn’t hers to manage.
Fair enough.
She wasn’t an expert on this stuff. Far from it. And maybe he was right. Maybe he was fine.
But somehow she didn’t quite believe it. This didn’t feel like what fine looked like.
It must have showed on her face, because his expression hardened further. “I’ll show you. Then you’ll understand.” He pulled out his phone and tapped the screen.
Mia’s chest constricted as she watched him. Dreading what he was about to show her, but also wanting to know. To finally understand the scars he bore.
He walked toward her and held up his phone so she could see the screen. He’d pulled up a video titled “Sexy Waldo Gets Busy.” It had almost seven million views. He tapped the play button.
At first all Mia could see was the inside of a bedroom. Then Josh came into view, dressed up